The Time Traveler's Father..

I recently read The Time Traveler's Wife and its one of those books that comes along every few years, where the story stays with you long after you've turned the back cover and put it away. How exciting - How absolutely bloody exhilarating to imagine if it were true. If one could keep going back in time to re-live memories, to re-look at what happened, to be happy again, be joyful again - I couldn't stop wondering, what if I could go back to the happiest time of my life. What if!? I asked Vivek too, what he would do if he could time travel, he gave me the silliest answer but then asked me back and without a blink, I knew if I could, I'd go back to any point in the first twelve years of my life. I'd go back to the time my dad was still around, flesh and blood, carrying me around as a baby, singing me lullabies to sleep; taking me to his board-meetings and letting me sit in the corner if I promised to keep quiet and play with my coloring book; coming late to pick me up from school every day but melting on the one day I cried and said I can't wait like this every day; my first fracture and waking up with a hardened chiclet in my mouth but sleeping safely in his arms (I still remember the dried tear on his face that day); how I slept on his arm every day, even when it was swollen and his worry was not the pain but how it would hurt my head. Its endless - the memories, the moments. What seem like little milestones and little underlines and highlights in the book of life today, were back then as trivial and as natural as can be. I wish I could go back to any time in that part of my life and I wish I could hold you once again.

But even if I can't, there's so much I want to tell you, Papa.

I'm so much like you today. If you were around, I'm sure you'd beam with the pride because even if I'm not perfect, I'm quite a perfect reflection of yourself. It is not rare for people to classify my skin type as wheatish, sometimes even dark, but they have no idea I wear this shade with pride, for this was exactly how you were. I never got Mumma's white Sindhi color and you'll agree she always looked like the better one when the three of us went out! Today, everyone says I look like Mumma, but she and I both know who I've taken after. I silently smile from within every time when someone says I have beautiful hazel eyes, because I get that from you. I have your height, your gummy toothy laugh, huge feet which bring me a lot of grief when I go buy shoes - But still, It is so much of you that it becomes almost impossible to hate these imperfect pieces of me. Forget the looks, there's so much of how I am and how I behave which is how you used to be. I have your horrible temper, your utter lack of patience and just enough regard for schedules that I never reach some place early but always on time. I hate mornings, love the sunsets and absolutely love packing and traveling and seeing new places every now and then like you made sure we did every few months. I'm still a sucker for sweet pongal, Rasam Rice and I still haven't eaten Laddoos like you always made for Ganesh Chaturthi yourself. I love my wheels and I love speed and just the other day I found myself telling someone who said I'm rash that I will accelerate just as long as I know I can control my car. You always said the same thing. The, déjà vus from decades ago don’t end!

I want to tell you that I fight less with Mumma, though we've fought enough for a lifetime after you left. She loves me too and I know that now though I always thought she hated me and you were all I had. I want you to know that after you left, I had a void in my life where I never thought anyone would love me unconditionally, with all my flaws and take care of me like you used to. I fell in love with someone who comes very close though and takes care of me every day - I think at times this is God's way of giving back slowly what he took away a long long time ago.

You know, Just after you left, everyone's behavior changed along with little things. My PTA meetings became very short; Mrs.Jacob who you wrote a stinker to in my diary went from being always angry with me to now being always sympathetic. There was so much pity in everyone's eyes for so long - exactly the stuff you and I both hate, being an object of someone's sympathy. People were extra nice for a while, they tried to be more inclusive, more loving, brought more gifts, tried to visit more often - But it was short-lived. Slowly, everyone went back to living their own lives and we went back to our own even smaller lives. We weren't a nuclear family anymore, we had suddenly been downgraded to a smaller term which wasn't even invented back then. Mumma and I always got a table for four when we wanted a table in the family section and always had to politely tell the waiters that yes, its just the two of us and yes, it is still a family. Nevertheless, school went well - Despite all my crying about Maths, I didn't drop it and continued to choose it till I could and I did quite well, you'd have been happy! I did everything I promised you I would - It is still an interesting story now for anyone who asks how did you know you wanted to be doing what you're doing or why did you do your MBA? I knew from when I was 8 years old, I wanted to be like you. I wanted to be wonderful at business, earn, learn, spend my day productively to be able to be self-sufficient and at times self-indulgent. I didn't become an entrepreneur like I kept telling you though. But I have hope, I might just.

After 18 long years today, the memory of that day is still so fresh. I can almost smell the smoke from the tar, almost see the mangled steel, almost hear the screams around because our doors were stuck and people around couldn’t pull us out of the crash. I'm sorry I asked to spend Christmas when we were on holiday, I'm sorry we didn't return on the 25th like we had always planned. Because then the 26th of December would have been just another day on my calendar. I would spend many 26th Decembers getting over Christmas hangovers like everyone else, I might have bought a small tree at some point in my life, gone on vacation on this day - but I somehow can't. I can't get myself to let this day pass without thinking over and over about how I should've been less greedy for one more day because part of me thinks I ruined every day to come. I hate that I wasn't awake that time so I could tell  you to brake or I wish I could do something, anything at all to stop this from having happened. I hate your last act of selflessness telling me to give up my front seat for the first time ever, because the sun was beating down upon us. It’s great having a eidetic memory to remember dates for History or remember maps for Geography, but it is a curse to remember how everything looked that day or to remember how my uncle's phone number looked on the phone diary because the police needed an emergency contact number to call; I hate that I remember how we shopped for that extra day of holiday in Cochin, how the doctors had to cut through those brand new maroon shorts to dress my wounds. Everything is alive, everything is fresh, everything hurts. Even today.

I went years being a quiet child, rarely bullied because I was somehow the tallest or biggest in class and the bullies wanted my notes so quid pro quo, they never troubled me. I went years being a confused, troubled teenager because it was very hard to cope with the fact that the one person who "takes care of everything" in others' lives wasn't around. From the big things such as going out to earn to the smallest things - fixing the bulbs, cleaning the shower heads, tightening screws on the cooker, oiling the door locks, peeling the mangoes patiently - We were by ourselves suddenly and it was awful to be helpless and clueless but also alone at the same time. But with time, something started changing. I found it easier to do these things - It was not natural at first, but it wasn't a mountain to climb either. It also became easy to make decisions and at times to handle grief. You know once someone tried to break into our house when we were just the two of us, I remember how I woke up and without a trace of fear called the police and spoke to them when the sirens came blaring. I went out at 2 am and showed them where he came from and where he must've escaped. All worry and fear apart, I felt grown up suddenly and I have absolutely no idea where the strength came from. I think it came from you.

So today, when I look back at perhaps how half my life has shaped up, I've learnt that it is always important to tell people how much you love them. If I could only go back to the last time we hugged that morning and how you gave me your gulab jamun at breakfast, I would hold on for a bit longer and tell you how much I love you. The twelve year old me would tell you how important you are to me, how much it means to me when you come home before bedtime so that I can sit and talk to you. I'd tell you how wonderful you are, because you gave me so much love in twelve years that I'd treasure it for a lifetime. I'd tell you that I agree I'm spoilt today, but I'll change tomorrow even though you won't be around to see it. I'd tell you that someday I would realize that people may adore and be extremely kind to a child like me but will always truly love only their own - I'd come to realize that blood runs thicker than water, that laws don't make parental relationships, blood does. I’d tell you that you might not be there to find me a husband (because its already one of your biggest worries even though I’m just 12 that someday I’ll have to leave you!) but I will end up getting lucky in love and will be blissfully married. I'd tell you that I'm never going to look at the sky and stars and pretend you're one of them like the movies try to make you believe, because one day I would come to understand that there is no better way you are alive than you are in me. When I will look at the mirror when I'm 30, I'll look at my flaws and zits and maybe I'll look at a lot of extra grams but when I look past that, I'll be thankful that till the end of my forever, I'll continue to see a bit of you every day and there's no greater gift than that to keep you alive for me.

Table for one, please..

During a recent argument with my other half (well, who's to say better, or bitter - why butter and why bother?), I screamed out in Eureka-ish conclusion and discovery that "If you were an only child, you'd know what I'm saying." So, it got me wondering, in a slight Carrie-Bradshaw, but a slightly lesser SATC way, whether being an only child actually matters. Besides sunsigns, numerology and all other soft sciences known to man, does it change the way we turn out, if we had someone to fight over the last piece of pizza when we were five. 

Game of Thrones almost makes you believe that it is  impossible to not have siblings - No, I'm not talking about Cersei's dysfunctional relationship with her brother but think about it. Even Drogon has Viserion and Rhaegal for company. Even the wolves were 6 in a pack, Nymeria also must've had to fight off Lady for that last piece of meat. Ah, happy times at Winterfell (saving any further GOT driven digressions  for another post).

The biggest myth I've heard about only children is that they're spoilt. Most of my growing up life, if someone asked me what my brother or sister did and I told them I'm the only child, the adults gave me looks of derision (instantly concluding I must be a brat) and the kids gave me looks of awe (I might have caught a couple of them actually say "How lucky"!). I say it is a myth because some of my closest friends are the only children in their immediate families and their characteristics range from slightly delusional & quirky, to very sorted, to extremely kind and caring (The Mother Teresas of friends) and to borderline mafia-esque. It is true. You'd think you can spot an only child as the one who finds it hard to share food, or the grumpy one who cannot understand why the group wants to have Indian when he wants to order pizza. But you can't. Sometimes, the one in the group patiently taking a vote or the one who buys a bag of chips but passes it around the table to finally only munch on two, is also an only child. So, the whole garbage about single children being selfish is out of the window - some are nice, period. So, is the writer of this piece.

If you look at history and news, it is interesting to notice some famous only children and others. Barack Obama has no own siblings, while Donald Trump has enough to warrant a bulk booking of tickets in some places. Hollywood is filled with only child geniuses - Our favorite almost-never-won-an-Oscar Leonardo Di Caprio is an only child, James Bond and Harry Potter both in real life ask for a table for one at many restaurants. I'm not saying it’s a trend, but hey everyone needs evidence thrown in to support an inconclusive thought like the point of this piece.

One of the first pros that pop into my head is the fact that when you grow up with just your parents for family, you bond much easier with people older than you. I spent more time with my aunts than my cousins (also because of the huge age gap between my mum and her sisters, I also refer to some of my cousins as aunts!). It was always easy to go up to an Aunt and talk if I had to and if my mum introduced me to a friend of hers or an older person, I wasn't awkward and shy praying for the earth to swallow me  up; I was actually able to exchange pleasantries and make an entry in their books as a very well-behaved child. This comfort with adults actually helps when you turn into an actual adult. When you need to make conversation with the cashier at the bank, when you need to discuss insurance with an agent, when you need to buy groceries and vegetables, there's sometimes just less stress about the getting on with it.

Then, as children, the only child has borne the burden of all chores in the household - Taking out the trash, turning on your own geyser, putting away your own plates and sometimes everyone else's, having an intelligent say at a restaurant when your vote about menu choices actually count. We've done it when we were 8, we're quite ready to do it when we're alone and 25. I've noticed in most of my friend circles, the only child rarely has trouble making a choice; rarely says "I don't know what to eat" or "I'll have anything, you decide". Nah - The only child most definitely knows how to decide and have his/her own say. You could say, they're more decisive and less horrified at the idea of taking a stand. This sort of cascades into also being able to at times bounce ideas off themselves, finding a solution without having to listen to ten other suggestions, being able to easily travel alone, eat alone and sightsee alone if needed. They sort of get the difference between being lonely and being alone and realize that being alone can be an immensely satisfying and calming time.

Also, only children have a lot of time on their hands compared to those from families that can't fully fit in an auto when everyone's over the age of 12. I've noticed that often even the most fun-loving and carefree only children have very deep thoughts, are pensive and give smaller things more thought than one would imagine. On the plus side, we tend to give most things in the world some weight and somehow develop strong opinions about things. On the flip side, grave situations such as a death in the family, witnessing a crime or somebody in deep trauma may make us withdraw, self-loathe or derail us completely and no one would even know of the storm beneath the surface.

Another pro that doubles up as a con according to me, is the fact that only children give away too much love and trust when they find someone who makes them believe they can love them back. Since we come from families of three or sometimes even two, we find ourselves a lot more attached to friends and extended families who are nice to us. And when we find someone nice enough, sometimes we get carried away. We share secrets, our hearts, our lives. Sometimes, we're too giving, too nice, putting all of ourselves out there because we have the love to share. But sometimes, we trust too much, too fast, putting ourselves right there in the line of a prospective firing squad, waiting to have our hearts broken.

Another good according to me, is that though we love with all our hearts and give parts of ourselves away, once we realize it wasn't worth it, we do not settle for things. Because we sort of started out with fewer blocks and if a block doesn't exactly fit, we move on. We don't stay attached to it because it is what we're stuck with. We remember that we always have options, because the worst that can happen is we'll be alone. There is no comfort of knowing that if the other kids don't play with you, you'll have that sibling. We know we might have to go back to solving the newspaper crossword if we don’t find someone to play with. We know we may need to move on, find newer groups or cultivate a meal-for-one hobby. We equally happily grab the freedom of taking that plunge thinking we'll soar, but after falling for about ten floors if we don't see the point, we eject the parachute. Heck, we are our parachutes. We rescue ourselves.

Through conversations and pausing to think about these things over the last few years have taken me from someone who constantly thought she was shortchanged for not having a sibling, to accepting that being the only child wasn't too bad. I've become wiser, more considerate of some things and people and also added another thing to my guessing game with my mini-me when I meet new people - How old is she, where is she from, you think she's married? Does she have siblings? Most of the closer friends I made, knew that I used to tell myself and everyone, I will have at least four children (okay, that number was eight at some time, but we're all aimless dreamers at some confusing times in our lives!) because I don't want anyone to go through what I did. But you know what, in retrospect, I didn't do too badly. The grown-up me does still feel bad that I don’t have the blood of my blood (Insert subtle Khal Drogo reference) to share many things in my life, but is also thankful for many things I learnt through the process. If I were to have an only child, I'd try my best to make his/her growing up easier, but I'd also save this note for them to read, just so that on a particularly lonely day, they know that solo-flying isn't all that bad and it most definitely gets better.

One Night in a Forest - Our short weekend trip to Kabini

One of the lovely sights during the Safari at Kabini 

Pre-Work and Bookings

So, short on leaves and with limited options, given that several hill stations have already been ticked off, we decided to do some animal spotting – Masinagudi, Bandipur, Kabini came up in most searches and Kabini seemed to be a good option, with the whole river front stay and itineraries designed for a full day’s stay. So Kabini it was and from several blogs and searches, the Government run Jungle Lodges was the more preferred one, perhaps because of permits for safaris or because they’ve done this since forever, before Orange County and Serai came up and so on.

We went on to book online, because that is apparently the only way to do it now. The basic option is the tented cottage, but it was sold out, hence the next category had to be picked which is the room. Above which there are two more categories in the slightly better view/better interiors categories I’d imagine. Our room cost us Rs. 17,500 (After a Rs. 750 discount). This included stay for two people, all meals, two safaris, forest entry fees, all taxes and charges.

Reaching there

The Entry toward Jungle Lodges Kabini

Using Google maps! But in short, you need to take the NICE Road from Bangalore and reach till Mysore. Then turn left at the Mysore bypass and after about 20 kms, you need to turn left on SH 33 towards Manantwadi.

Continue straight and after a while the boards for all the Kabini lodges will start popping up and you can safely follow all of them except Orange County which takes a little detour. You will reach a dead end where the forest gates close for tourist vehicles, where there is a compulsory left and off you go.

The approach is really not bad – from a couple of blogs it seemed to be that the last 5-8 km is bad, but there is a tarred road up until the resort and it is in much better shape than several mainstream roads of Bangalore in fact!

Checking In

You drive into the reception after convincing the guard that you have a booking and at the Reception, your name is checked and a brief introduction to the resort is provided. The basics – where is your room, parking, food, etc. The parking area is pretty large under huge trees, so not much stress there. The rooms are across the resort. We had the Cottage Rooms – in the East Bungalow. Food was to be at the Gol Ghar which is also the location for all group briefings, huddles before safaris, etc.

The Room

The Tented cottage is mighty huge for two people – had two single beds joint to form a double bed, plus a third person cot. The roof is high and the furnishing is quite minimal, basic and vintage Indian. There is a fan in the room but as promised, no A/C or TV. There is a defunct fire place, but somehow adds a little charm to the room. The bathroom is decently spaced out as well and includes a tub and a shower that sprays more everywhere else than in front. There is also a backdoor in the bathroom, which opens out into some lush greenery, but not much else.

The rooms in the East Bungalow are attached closely side by side and if you walk past the rooms, good guess you’ll be able to hear what the occupants are saying. Zero marks for privacy!

There is a water filter at the portico of the Bungalow and ample place to sit outside and drink the chai you can make with the tea maker inside.

Food

• Lunch was decent and included a healthy mixed of boiled and stir fried vegetables. Day one Lunch was Carrot Peas, Jeera Alu, some Channa sabzi, Sambhar, Rasam, Dal, Rice, Pulao, Rotis, Chicken Curry, Mutton Curry and a sweet. Sumptious for the traveler who’s just reached and attacked the buffet.
• Dinner was a little more special (maybe because of the high post Govt. official who was visiting and enjoying his VIP treatment). There was live chicken barbeque, sweet corn soup, Alu Mutter Sabzi, Beetroot, Something resembling Maggi with vegetables, Rice, Sambhar, Rasam, Curds, Gulab Jamuns, Salad. I’m sure I’m missing something, but this is pretty much what stood out.
• Day 2 Breakfast was a healthy mix of Idlis, dosas, upma, omelettes, some baked potatoes, cutlets, toast, sheera and fruits.  
• Before the safaris (in the evening and morning), we got tea/coffee and biscuits
• After the evening safari, we also got Mirchi Pakodas and Tea/Coffee

Snack time

Animal Spottings

Well, this is the whole point of being here, I suppose. The safari starts with a spotting of the Sambhal and the spotted deer.

The Sambhal

We saw so many of them along the way, I can believe the guides might be able to tell them apart in fact. Some good clicks from a close distance later, we spotted a lone elephant, a female elephant just taking a walk. A bit further into the woods, we spotted a couple of beautiful birds – the Kingfisher, the Long-tailed bird, Woodpeckers, Eagles.

We saw so many deer, it stopped being a novelty after a bit!

The lone female elephant, wandering in the forest

The road then opened into a beautiful plain, by the side of the river – where we returned later and spotted a huge congregation of deer and wild boars and elephants.
Interesting to note that the wild boars and deer are mighty friendly with each other, but the boar can come for your throat if you’re wandering on foot. We then heard a sudden call and the guide whizzed us off into another side where we sat and waited and watched hoping a tiger was on the kill – that’s what the call meant apparently. But we had no such luck. A little more driving around to see at least one predator landed us in a part where wild gaurs where grazing. A couple of more langoors on the way and a mongoose and the safari was mostly done. We then headed back to the lodge with the sun setting behind us.

The lazy Gaurs

An animated and fun langoor!

Tip: If you really really just want to see animals, do not do the boat safari – It is better you opt to do to the jeep jungle safari on both occasions allowed.

Why you shouldn't do the Boat-Safari

We did the Jungle safari in the evening and the boat safari in the morning – besides the little ouch of not being able to spot any predator (leopards, panthers, tigers), what really irked me is that the next morning the boat safari turned out to be a giant sham. We were told by the safari guide in the evening that you might be lucky enough to see some predators during the boat safari also and there we were with high expectations. However, just a few 100 metres out on the river, the boatman started having trouble with the people who had laid fishing nets. The nets would oft get stuck in our boat and much time was spent maneouvring around the nets. Worse still, at a point someone threatened to complain to the police if we didn’t turn back and we were forced to turn back. A 6:45-8:30 boat safari reached the shore at 7:40 am. All we saw were a few birds – the same ones over and over again which the boatman had to point out to make the whole situation look less bad. There were some wise ones who opted to do the jungle safari in the morning as well and as luck would have it, at the breakfast table I heard them discussing the leopard they saw. My biggest tip for your stay is – Avoid the boat safari if you haven’t seen any predators and that is the highlight of your trip. You may have better luck if you do the normal jungle safari twice instead of spending time on the boat fighting with the fishermen.

Some birdwatching in the morning safari

The Good and the Bad

Pros:

• Great property and location – Tucked away in a corner, pretty large and lush with greenery, with very good access to the river
• Punctuality with regard to timings of safaris, meals etc – A little too punctual sometimes!
• The staff is courteous and helpful at all times.
• Food – is pretty good and offers a very decent variety of choices for the Indian palate. 
• Clearances – From what I’ve read and heard, they have exclusive permits to go into the forests
• Systematic – there is a plan to everything, food is at fixed hours; Briefings and commencement of Safaris are at fixed hours; There is no running a round
• Provision to buy mineral water, a soft drink, etc for pretty decent prices (a 600 ml pet bottle of Coke was Rs.50).

A beautiful Sunrise as we headed out on our boat safari

Cons:

• The rooms are not exactly paid much attention to – One may argue that staying in a forest, we can’t really expect luxuries, but it would help if the not so modest charges would justify atleast a better furnished room, given that the rooms are pretty large. Eg: the All out in the room exists, but has no liquid. There is a shower, but it is almost like a fountain, spraying all over the bathroom. Fittings are loose in some places and threaten to fall out at the lightest touch.
• Everyone is asked to watch the wildlife movie in the evening – We are expected to assemble at 7:45 for the movie. When you reach at 7:40, the movie has already started. And when you enter, you realize the room is full. The movie hall is not big enough to have all guests watching. Have two shows maybe?
• Coracle rides should probably be allowed at any time if possible – Allowing it in the morning just after the boat safari, just before check out, makes it less desirable to do.
• Boat Safari – Refer my note (rant) above, but they should tell people what it contains so people can make a more informed decision on what to do in the morning.
• During the safaris, all guests are not given enough attention – especially if you’re seated at the back, you will half the time not be able to hear what the guide/driver is pointing at until he stops and gets up and says it like 5 more times. They need to be a bit more considerate, since everyone pays for the same thing and everyone expects the same communication.

Conclusion

All in all, it was a worthwhile trip, a much needed break. Though we didn’t see as many animals, living by the river for a day and soaking in some green really helped!