Table for one, please..

During a recent argument with my other half (well, who's to say better, or bitter - why butter and why bother?), I screamed out in Eureka-ish conclusion and discovery that "If you were an only child, you'd know what I'm saying." So, it got me wondering, in a slight Carrie-Bradshaw, but a slightly lesser SATC way, whether being an only child actually matters. Besides sunsigns, numerology and all other soft sciences known to man, does it change the way we turn out, if we had someone to fight over the last piece of pizza when we were five. 

Game of Thrones almost makes you believe that it is  impossible to not have siblings - No, I'm not talking about Cersei's dysfunctional relationship with her brother but think about it. Even Drogon has Viserion and Rhaegal for company. Even the wolves were 6 in a pack, Nymeria also must've had to fight off Lady for that last piece of meat. Ah, happy times at Winterfell (saving any further GOT driven digressions  for another post).

The biggest myth I've heard about only children is that they're spoilt. Most of my growing up life, if someone asked me what my brother or sister did and I told them I'm the only child, the adults gave me looks of derision (instantly concluding I must be a brat) and the kids gave me looks of awe (I might have caught a couple of them actually say "How lucky"!). I say it is a myth because some of my closest friends are the only children in their immediate families and their characteristics range from slightly delusional & quirky, to very sorted, to extremely kind and caring (The Mother Teresas of friends) and to borderline mafia-esque. It is true. You'd think you can spot an only child as the one who finds it hard to share food, or the grumpy one who cannot understand why the group wants to have Indian when he wants to order pizza. But you can't. Sometimes, the one in the group patiently taking a vote or the one who buys a bag of chips but passes it around the table to finally only munch on two, is also an only child. So, the whole garbage about single children being selfish is out of the window - some are nice, period. So, is the writer of this piece.

If you look at history and news, it is interesting to notice some famous only children and others. Barack Obama has no own siblings, while Donald Trump has enough to warrant a bulk booking of tickets in some places. Hollywood is filled with only child geniuses - Our favorite almost-never-won-an-Oscar Leonardo Di Caprio is an only child, James Bond and Harry Potter both in real life ask for a table for one at many restaurants. I'm not saying it’s a trend, but hey everyone needs evidence thrown in to support an inconclusive thought like the point of this piece.

One of the first pros that pop into my head is the fact that when you grow up with just your parents for family, you bond much easier with people older than you. I spent more time with my aunts than my cousins (also because of the huge age gap between my mum and her sisters, I also refer to some of my cousins as aunts!). It was always easy to go up to an Aunt and talk if I had to and if my mum introduced me to a friend of hers or an older person, I wasn't awkward and shy praying for the earth to swallow me  up; I was actually able to exchange pleasantries and make an entry in their books as a very well-behaved child. This comfort with adults actually helps when you turn into an actual adult. When you need to make conversation with the cashier at the bank, when you need to discuss insurance with an agent, when you need to buy groceries and vegetables, there's sometimes just less stress about the getting on with it.

Then, as children, the only child has borne the burden of all chores in the household - Taking out the trash, turning on your own geyser, putting away your own plates and sometimes everyone else's, having an intelligent say at a restaurant when your vote about menu choices actually count. We've done it when we were 8, we're quite ready to do it when we're alone and 25. I've noticed in most of my friend circles, the only child rarely has trouble making a choice; rarely says "I don't know what to eat" or "I'll have anything, you decide". Nah - The only child most definitely knows how to decide and have his/her own say. You could say, they're more decisive and less horrified at the idea of taking a stand. This sort of cascades into also being able to at times bounce ideas off themselves, finding a solution without having to listen to ten other suggestions, being able to easily travel alone, eat alone and sightsee alone if needed. They sort of get the difference between being lonely and being alone and realize that being alone can be an immensely satisfying and calming time.

Also, only children have a lot of time on their hands compared to those from families that can't fully fit in an auto when everyone's over the age of 12. I've noticed that often even the most fun-loving and carefree only children have very deep thoughts, are pensive and give smaller things more thought than one would imagine. On the plus side, we tend to give most things in the world some weight and somehow develop strong opinions about things. On the flip side, grave situations such as a death in the family, witnessing a crime or somebody in deep trauma may make us withdraw, self-loathe or derail us completely and no one would even know of the storm beneath the surface.

Another pro that doubles up as a con according to me, is the fact that only children give away too much love and trust when they find someone who makes them believe they can love them back. Since we come from families of three or sometimes even two, we find ourselves a lot more attached to friends and extended families who are nice to us. And when we find someone nice enough, sometimes we get carried away. We share secrets, our hearts, our lives. Sometimes, we're too giving, too nice, putting all of ourselves out there because we have the love to share. But sometimes, we trust too much, too fast, putting ourselves right there in the line of a prospective firing squad, waiting to have our hearts broken.

Another good according to me, is that though we love with all our hearts and give parts of ourselves away, once we realize it wasn't worth it, we do not settle for things. Because we sort of started out with fewer blocks and if a block doesn't exactly fit, we move on. We don't stay attached to it because it is what we're stuck with. We remember that we always have options, because the worst that can happen is we'll be alone. There is no comfort of knowing that if the other kids don't play with you, you'll have that sibling. We know we might have to go back to solving the newspaper crossword if we don’t find someone to play with. We know we may need to move on, find newer groups or cultivate a meal-for-one hobby. We equally happily grab the freedom of taking that plunge thinking we'll soar, but after falling for about ten floors if we don't see the point, we eject the parachute. Heck, we are our parachutes. We rescue ourselves.

Through conversations and pausing to think about these things over the last few years have taken me from someone who constantly thought she was shortchanged for not having a sibling, to accepting that being the only child wasn't too bad. I've become wiser, more considerate of some things and people and also added another thing to my guessing game with my mini-me when I meet new people - How old is she, where is she from, you think she's married? Does she have siblings? Most of the closer friends I made, knew that I used to tell myself and everyone, I will have at least four children (okay, that number was eight at some time, but we're all aimless dreamers at some confusing times in our lives!) because I don't want anyone to go through what I did. But you know what, in retrospect, I didn't do too badly. The grown-up me does still feel bad that I don’t have the blood of my blood (Insert subtle Khal Drogo reference) to share many things in my life, but is also thankful for many things I learnt through the process. If I were to have an only child, I'd try my best to make his/her growing up easier, but I'd also save this note for them to read, just so that on a particularly lonely day, they know that solo-flying isn't all that bad and it most definitely gets better.