But they had it all...

The last week saw two celebrity suicides - not one, two. And who! Two extremely popular, successful, accomplished people, revered in their own fields. Kate Spade, the woman who launched the line of bags which every woman had to own one of at least. Anthony Bourdain who gave wanderlusting new meaning - who inspired people to travel and discover local gems that the world has to offer. They had money, love, respect and adulation from even people who did not know them well enough. Yet, in an empty hotel room, in different parts of the world, few days apart, they both hung themselves to death. But,they had everything. That's what the news articles say - They had everything, then why?

It shook me to imagine what they must've felt - when they tied that belt/scarf to end it. What must've been going on in their minds in those last few moments. How irrelevant and inconsequential everything they had earned or achieved must've been. And how an emptiness and a meaningless blankness must've taken over. But, could someone have stopped them? Could someone have changed the music and cheered them up that day? They had people they loved - one phone call, one conversation, could it have helped?

But, they didn't reach out. It is so scary - because whether or not you can call it depression, we all have moments of abject pain and sorrow, where sometimes nothing matters. That's where bad decisions of slitting wrists, running away from home and giving up on life come along. I know I've had many a moment like that while growing up, I still have them sometimes when nothing seems to matter. These are the bad moments when you feel unloved, but also incapable of loving. Where you feel alone, but are unable to reach out to someone. Where you're sinking, but you don't have the drive to grab a hook. But it always passed, someone or the other knowingly or unknowingly staged a rescue. Friends made normal but helpful conversations, forced ice-cream outings (when that was all we could afford as students!), just sat and partook in that hour long stare at the tree in college if that's what it was going to take for this to pass.

It is possible there's many of us who don't reach out even today - We wouldn't even know that someone is hurting to a point of destruction unless it hits us in the face. Because we're busy sorting out our own lives. And because we don't believe it can happen to someone we know. Forget Kate Spade and Anthony, think about the people you know. That friend who works 9-5, complains of the traffic, gulps down 6 cups of coffee with you at the pantry and makes office jokes, who watches some netflix before turning in, who goes on vacation every few months and lives an enviable life on social media. We cannot process that this person could be sad about anything - forget, have suicidal thoughts or be mentally disturbed. If they cry, we may pass it off as an outburst or a vent, nothing else. Who realizes that the afterthought lingers on in their minds for days at end. And it only gets worse. People very conveniently say "This movie is depressing". "I feel depressed today". "The environment here is so depressing". Maybe they mean it, but people use that word so loosely nowadays, you cannot tell the difference anymore if something is truly depressing or merely and temporarily upsetting.

Every bad conversation, every heartless exchange, every family drama, every hypocritical or deprecating comment, takes a toll. And some have been battling demons since we were teenagers. Think about the pile-up! The media sometimes makes it worse - Sensationalizing suicide glorifies it sometimes, rather than discourage it. Imagine someone with a bottle of sleeping pills reading these articles, it will push them over the edge. Did Kate Spade's news push Bourdain over the edge, we'll never know. 

Everyone's not strong enough to always bounce back and always find the silver lining. And I suppose the only thing we can do is be around for someone who's having trouble bouncing back. We can take note of the disturbing signs and if nothing, just be there. Remind that loved one or even colleague you care about that they're stronger and bigger than this. They are valued and precious in the current moment. All these whatsapp forwards and quotations are not going to help, getting up and giving them a hug is what will. I do try my best, because I know people who've done it for me and who still do it - I will listen. I will listen better, more carefully, to what is said and unsaid by the people I love. Because if celebrity deaths shock us this much, be rest assured that a loved one giving up is going to rip us apart. And if you don't know what to do or it seems out of control, call for help, reach out to a helpline. The last thing you want to live with is regretting not making that phone call earlier. 

Because what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger...

Its constantly amazing, how some people go on and on about all the things that go wrong in their life, how people do not love them, how they are not valued - when they've been guilty of exactly doing the same things in the past! In their movie, where they're the damsels in distress and the protagonists who can do no wrong, who float on magic clouds and ooze joy where they move, there's a villain. Err, in someone else's movie, you're the villain! It’s a strange face of human nature, we have the memory of an elephant for all the bad that has happened to us, but the memory of a goldfish for the ill we've done unto others.

Our moral science lessons in school, our movies and mainstream media and even the bible (come on!) teach us "Do unto others, what you would have done unto yourself". Yet, we sow nails in others' pathways and expect a carpet of roses for ourselves. We forget that at some point, we had the opportunity to make someone happier, make their lives a little bit easier - we didn't take it. We created misunderstandings, because it amused us. We  found flaws with them, because they didn't fit our definition of 'beautiful' or 'normal' or 'fun'. We immediately adjudged them to be inferior, because they had different priorities, they were wired differently. They weren't cross wired, they just weren't like you. They weren't bad, mind you.

This is often contributed by the environment we grow up in. Indian families are perhaps the most loving to their own, but to others - they're the quickest to criticize, quickest to resist change and the slowest to accept differences. When kids from such households grow up, they start meddling in others' lives, giving them a false sense of maturity and adulthood. No, sir. That is called poking your nose where it doesn't belong and handing out advise nobody asked you for. Now, God forbid someone else meddles in their lives, all hell breaks loose. Family committee meetings are convened, friends support groups are recruited, a rescue force is commissioned.

If only, the oppressed could remember how they were the oppressors at a point. Some of us don't have the luxury of family meetings and rescue missions - We're pretty much by ourselves and have been overwhelmed with your insensitivity at times! Yet, you steal our rainbows, but cry yourself a river when you hit a road bump.

But, thank you. Yes, you made us stronger - Yes, we discovered the power of being alone, but not lonely. Maybe that came at the expense of a whole bunch of tears, more than a few pounds, maybe a bottle of vodka, maybe a cocktail of drugs or even lifelong high heart rates. But, we're more evolved than you'll ever be. We'll have more heart than you publicly claim to possess. Today, we'll wish our stolen rainbows brighten up your house, our stolen laughter rings in your ears, our stolen dreams keep you awake at night.

"But, I wasn't so bad ever", you'll say. I agree. No, you were worse.