We’re 100 days old as of today - Vir, a 100 day old baby. His mother, me - A 100 day old mother. The fourth trimester has finally come to an end. As my friend who just delivered close to when Vir was born says, like every trimester in the womb was different and the end of every trimester marked an obvious growth and change in the foetus, this fourth trimester is also relevant - almost momentous. And she couldn’t be more right.
The world is all about new born babies - The infants; the new entrants into this world; the poor unsuspecting creatures who spend 9 months in the safe confines of the womb only to come into this world and have to figure out how to survive including learn how to breathe on their own. There’s books and articles and seminars and even specialist professionals to take care of their well being. And thank god for that, because rookie parents need all the help they can get. But, what about the new born mothers?
New born mothers - The first time mothers, who till yesterday were just women going about their lives, buying clothes online, gulping down 8 cups of filter coffee a day, bitching about those office colleagues, swearing at bad drivers on the road. They are now all of a sudden responsible for another life. Those women who never even cared enough about having breakfast at times, now need to eat every two-three hours and eat nourishing and rich food for their growing foetuses. These women are generally pampered and showered with all the love and attention during this 9 month cycle but are forgotten the day the baby is born. From enquiring about your health every time someone speaks to you when you’re pregnant, the last time someone asks about your health after the baby is born, is literally the day the baby is born. After that, its all about the baby. Is the baby eating well, growing well, sleeping well. People forget that newborn mothers who feed the baby need to eat well, grow well and sleep just as well too.
New born mothers are this breed of forgotten workers who’s only job description after having a baby seems to be to take care of the little one. There seems to be nothing else in her life and if she wishes for something else, its unacceptable. For instance, No one says you need to drink milk for YOUR calcium or your well-being (Except say a bloody good Gynaec!), but you need to drink milk for the baby. Life doesn’t need to hit a standstill or become altogether a new life after the baby, the mothers are already struggling with a new normal - Post-Partum blues, weight gain and weight loss, unpredictable bloody flow, sleep deprivation, appetite swings, mood swings, restricted diets, aches and pains when you sit or toss in bed, oscillating heat and cold waves. To add to that, the stark indifference of most people, sometimes close family only makes it worse.
So, if you can and if you do speak to a new mother, take the time to use the following sentences:
- How are YOU?
- You’re doing your best.
- It happens, but it gets better.
- You’re ENOUGH for your baby.
- I hope YOU got some sleep last night.
If you’re a new born mother’s friend, please keep going ga ga over the many photos she’ll send you but also please keep checking on her and reminding her to buy something for herself, even if it’s something as ludicrous as a 2021 journal (Let’s admit it, the 2020 journal is going to be used to eat Bhel Puri some day). Forgive her if she’s not gotten back to you as regularly as she used to. And tell her she’s still bloody god damn awesome.
You’ll be surprised how uplifting something this simple can be for a mother. And it’s perfectly okay for us to save a little care and concern for ourselves while we keep most of it for our babies. After all, you cant pour from an empty cup. A physically and mentally healthy mother is of much more use to a baby than otherwise.
