300 Days of Vir

300 Days of Vir. And a lot happened in the last 100 days. He started saying Mumma (YAY!!!), he started crawling, cruising, sprouted many more teeth and now is on the verge of running around the house independently, meaning its time to lose the left over hair I have on my head! Its also been a challenging time around us – With the world becoming a scarier place, lockdowns returning and house arrest becoming a norm, its been hard on us and maybe more on him – He can’t really tell us how frustrated he feels but crawling to his pram every now and then is heartbreaking enough.

 

Mothers’ Day just passed us by as well. And I couldn’t help but be insanely excited about the day. My first ever. Though, it ended up being a pretty shitty day eventually, reaffirming that the more one expects from a day, the more one is doomed. On Mother’s Day last year I was doing my best to keep this little Lionel Messi in my tummy happy by eating a lot of mangoes around this time of the year! I’ve been a mother for 9.5 months now, Vir’s been out in the world about as long as he’s lived rent-free inside of me. If I could go back to last year, I’d probably want to give my 2020 self this advice:

 

1. There will come along many Maria Montessoris in your life. Who will tell you what your child is feeling, what your child needs, what you should or shouldn’t do as a parent all from miles away on video calls or whatsapp texts. Listen to all reasonable advice. Do what your gut tells you. You know your baby like no other, trust yourself. Let the Marias chatter away. If they were this awesome and such experts at baby raising, they’d be minting millions selling books on parenting. Parenting is like learning to ride a bike, you can hear about how its done, see how its done, but until you get on that goddamn bike, you’re never going to ride. And its your bike – Ride it up the hill if you want to, let both hands go and enjoy the ride if you want to.

 

2. Prepare for sleepless nights –Prepare to nurse him at very odd hours very often. But, also prepare for the biggest smile when he sees your face first thing in the morning. You are his whole world, nothing can come close to that.

 

3. Even him sneezing is going to send you into a tizzy initially. You are going to obsess about your food, his intake, his diapers, his blackout blinds, his sleep cycles, everything initially. Find a pediatrician who can deal with YOU (Oh, Thank God for Dr.Amitoj and the million emails and texts he deals with)! But trust the doctor over all the Maria Montessoris in your life.  

 

4. Remember you will at times prioritize your child over the husband. And that is fine. But remember, who held your hand during pregnancy and who was with you when you couldn’t push anymore and almost passed out. Go back to sleep at night, reminding him he’s just as important to you, though your heart is bigger now to accommodate another inmate!

 

5. There will be times people will say very hurtful things to you in apparent jest. Someone will tell you your child has lost weight – Why aren’t you feeding him? They will not see how you struggle to make him eat that bowl of solids you’re so persistently trying to get him to eat. They don’t see you try to find new and safe foods to try regularly, your effort, your prep, they don’t see your child’s face pushing his food away and crying at times. Don’t let such people get to you. They’ve not raised any hallmark children anyway, so let it pass. Tell them to go have that mango milkshake your child unbelievably refuses!

 

6. YOU ARE ALONE. Have been for all your life since your dad left. You will bring this child into the world alone, bring him back home to an empty house with no fanfare. 2020 was already bad, but 2021 will see you feeling more alone than you’ve ever been – physically and emotionally. You will not see parents, family and friends for months and months at end. Your world will be your home. Embrace it, because it will get to you and there’s nothing you can do about it. There will come very very dark days when you feel you cannot go on and you’ll wish you could put an to everything and just vanish into thin air, but at those times more than ever, look at your child and be happy for this ray of sunshine in your life. Every day that you spend with him is a gift – Even if he’s climbing over your face to get to that toy.

 

7. No one will see what you or how hard you struggle to survive every single day with everything around and yet trying to be a good mother. People will mope when you don’t answer the phone or call them back, but they won’t realize what you’re dealing with which makes you so apparently busy. Learn to move past people who can never give you the compassion and love you need, but demand your time and attention at all times they are free. There'll also be people who will check on you every day even at very random times in the day because they know you'll be up to make sure you're okay. Hold them close, they're the ones who matter. 

 

8. Your child will cry – A lot. Maybe more than other kids (Maria Montessoris will tell you her child never cried – Poof, the lies), maybe less. But he cannot speak and crying is his only way to express he doesn’t like to do something or he needs help with something. He will also laugh – a lot. And those few minutes will be the happiest you’ve ever been in your life. Be the glass-half-full kinda girl now more than ever.

 

9. Your work will suffer – Atleast initially when you start working again. There’ll be times you won’t be able to give that project a 100% like before. Stay calm and move on. It will fall back on track soon.

 

10. There’s going to be people who will tell you very proudly how after they had their baby, it was all about the baby and never themselves. Of how, motherhood was absolutely the best thing that’s ever happened to them and it was a joyride all the way. Firstly, I don’t believe it. There are times motherhood is not a walk in the park and you’re going to wonder what ever happened to your life but if you wonder out aloud, people are going to hate you and think you’re a bad mother. Secondly and more importantly. – YOU ARE just as important as the baby and if you don’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of your child or anyone else. You can’t pour from an empty cup. You’re exactly what your child needs and how he needs it – So whenever you can, try to make the time to do what you like – Write, watch rubbish on Netflix, eat that extra icecream – try to do what makes you happy and do it often. You’ve earned it now more than ever!