Friday, April 21, 2017

Is it a Hotel? Is it a mall? No, its a Hospital!

Recently, I had the slight misfortune of stepping into a hospital for some tests for the Mister. While hospitals in general continue to freak me out reminding me ever so vividly of my month long stint when I was 12 and subsequent visits which have in general been more than worrisome, this time round there were more thoughts than I had expected. How absolutely bizarrely commercial have hospitals become!

Manipal Hospital is among the top hospitals in the city and agreed that it is run by a large Business group but they have taken high-tech and modern a slight notch higher. To start with, at the entrance, there are categories of parking – including a valet parking service. If you find that ludicrous and decide to self park, you find yourself driving towards the parking boom barrier, a self-parking ticket issuing kiosk and fancy rates of course. I did this exact same thing yesterday at the neighborhood mall and found it very bizarre. Gone are the days of that creepy but ever smiling watchman who always managed to find you a spot to park. Once the biggest bane of city life has been taken care of, you step out only to be greeted by a buggy-to take you till the main. Reminiscent of large resorts with such amenities? While it is great for patients, but people make/cut lines for this and it’s a horrible experience to have to jostle for a seat if you were tempted to take the buggy. 

Once you reach, you follow a bunch of smart direction displays and reach in this case the lab, where you need to get the tests done. If you haven’t already registered, you will be asked to pay a deposit and get a smart card to use at the hospital. It feels so much like a loyalty card! We having been here before had a card each to flash, thankfully (!). The scribbly doctor prescription is read and typed into the keyboard by a lady in a wisp saree neatly pinned almost hospitality manager kinds, in the colors of the logo of the hospital. Everyone looks the same, by the way – Same clothes, same hairdo, same half-hearted smile. She continues typing without raising her head. Her screen is replicated on a fancy tablet that you can see on the other side. I was almost tempted to ask for a corner seat because it reminded me of buying movie tickets at the theatre! Once the bill is created, you are sent to the cash counter where you flash your smart card and the other magical card from your wallet which lets you buy stuff instead of cash. Then, you finally saunter down to the sample collection room where expectedly, on a Saturday afternoon as is with any mall or restaurant, there is a huge line of waiting aspirants. You greet the smiling lady at the entrance, give her the bill and then are told that it will be 10-15 minutes to wait. You then scramble around for a place to sit. She calls out name after name and you watch with hopeful eyes and attentive ears for your turn. Several minutes later, you are asked to enter since your “table is ready”. 

After your tests, you walk out and enquire about the reports – And surprise, surprise. They say you can see them online by going to a url printed on fancy posters with instructions on how. You smile, but walk out, to find the buggy to take you back to the Parking. As I reached the payment counter and handed my parking ticket for them to scan and tell me my extravagant Rs. 50 charge for 2 hours of parking, I drove out feeling more confused than ever.

Maybe, I'm ageing but there is no reassurance and concern in the receptionists' eyes anymore. The pathologist doesn't smile and say that this prick will only be a second and it won't hurt. The watchmen and guards are very law-abiding but less personal. Soon, there will be shopping complexes with smart checkout counters and pop-up shopping stalls in the receptions. But no one will recognize us for a next visit. We’re very well served, maybe even healed but we will we soon be served by robots. Will the hospital become more of hospitality than healing?! 

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