WAR - Boys, Beaches and Bullets

If you’ve not watched Bang Bang or Baaghi – Don’t worry, after this one, you’re well caught up! This movie is a fabulous world tour, could be on Lonely Planet’s guide to beautiful coastlines and beaches in Europe and has two very good looking men waltz around it. At some point, it descends into an abject objectification of the two men, but heck we’ve survived debacles like Thugs of Hindostan – I’d rather watch Hrithik in Slo-mo for ten minutes, than Amitabh-Jack-Sparrow with a crow (Was it?) walk painfully at a tree for ten minutes.

The movie also reminds you of Matrix (what with all the superhuman bullet dodging), Mission Impossible (Yes, you can stand on an airplane while it flies apparently), Fast & the Furious (well, cars. Not like the franchise had too much meat after 3 sequels). But I think we’re very forgiving with some very bad scripts on say a Fast & Furious movie and we are okay to go watch it purely for the action, the boys and the cars. WAR I guess aims to do just that. Just that Vaani Kapoor doesn’t even classify as a gareebon ki Gal Gadot, but the rest of the pieces fall right in. 

So, please go watch this for the BOYS, BEACHES and BULLETS. Not for the script or for even 7th grade logic, or you’ll be giving it an F and asking to meet its parents. Here goes, my ten point review for WAR.

1. I learnt something very valuable in this movie – Basically if you want to look like Katrina Kaif, please contact shady looking Indian accented best in the world plastic surgeon in Switzerland! Dipannita Sharma, why you be so under-valued always.
2. Hrithik should have been on the ISRO Chandrayaan mission with his impeccable space grade coding skills! 
3. Vaani Kapoor’s YRF three movie deal is hopefully over with WAR and this quota can stop hopefully. I kid you not, in one scene she wipes a tear which hasn’t even welled up in her eyes. Method actor level God, I say. And she promoted the movie for two months saying she was “waiting for the right role”, when in fact she has one song, six costumes and six minutes on screen! 😐 
4. Work from home redefined – The lady (Also, subtle request to everyone in general to stop saying “female” to refer to a random lady – she’s a person, not a species) analyst on Hrithik’s team works from home during her wedding, hands over a drive on her wedding day IN HER Suhaag raat room and manages to change codes. God, I hope my boss doesn’t watch this. 
5. If you play Limbo with Tiger Shroff, you’ll win – He cannot, I repeat cannot go UNDER a rope, even if it is chest high. He will jump over it. So you can schmooze underneath and voila, you win. Some stunts are taken too far for kicks – just ‘cause apun kar sakta hai, Bhidu. 
6. A mother’s love transcends everything. The training camp is on top of a mountain, Hrithik arrives in a chopper but Ammi Jaan (played by Soni Razdaan, the newest and most popular face of Muslim mothers after Farida Jalal) saunters to the gate one day bringing dargah se duawein. *grab a tissue* moment. Gahh, maybe there was a cable car, you know nothin’ Jon Snow. 
7. Yashraj and BMW have some secret pact of promoting that super bike – Dhoom may have done diddly squat for them, maybe WAR will be better. 
8. I’ve heard of parents living abroad in not so high flying jobs to pay for children back home. But Naina’s story confounds me – She has a 3 year plan of dancing in different clubs in different countries (All expensive ones, by the way) and teaching Zumba to Caucasians (I’m told the G word is racist now) with Ainvayi Ainvayi Lut Gaya in the background. What visa is she on, even! Kaunsa Schenghen milta hai aisa! Where did she find these jobs? And how valuable is this profession? But also, please respect all professions – At one point, India’s future depends on Hrithik Roshan’s pimping skills. 
9. When Hrithik gets off the chopper and has extremely light, very non-combat or military like clothing that’s flying about his way too chiseled body, Tiger Shroff looks at him like I look at my dessert arriving in a restaurant. These are Cupid goals, people. Find someone who looks at you like that, or train them by making them watch this!
10. I can but I won’t “ruin” anything – The twist at the end of the movie is pretty super at the time it happens but afterward, it kinda takes you into Game of Thrones, Kyunki Saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi category. Kinda. Well almost not (you don’t want to believe it does), but kinda.

Bharat - The first Masa-tional movie of 2019

I had the good luck of catching Bharat recently - and i say good luck, because the tickets were cheap on a weekday and the theatre was free of Bhai-crusaders. I didn’t pay a bomb for this, so it was pretty vasool for me, but I haven’t done movie reviews in forever (Kalank went off screens before I got to it and I’m not desperately sad enough to go watch SOTY 2), so needless to say I was itching to do this. Despite some excellent supporting actors like Sunil Grover and Shashank Arora and some comedy at the expense of logic, there’s stuff that cannot ever make sense to me. 

Here goes - My 10 point review of why you should/shouldn’t watch this movie which is like five movies rolled into one. 

1. Rohit Shetty has Masala, Akshay Kumar has National, Bhai has Mas-ational. Equal parts desh-Bhakti, equal parts Bhai ki Bhakti, peppered with Katrina’s Alphonso sucking face (even  as she eats a Jalebi) and Bhai’s gym membership ad worthy body. Mas-ational is the way to go sometimes! This is like Bajrangi Bhaijaan in reverse, because here Bhai is looking for someone and still uses media to find her. Also, watch out for the bonus national anthem out of NOWHERE in one scene!

2. Jackie Shroff in a uniform, bidding his son to take care of his siblings has a unsweet Dhoom 3 ring to it. Also, I feel for this man, who never gets costume changes and always gets to appear only in flashbacks in movies nowadays! Cut Bhidu, some slack yaar. Also, Jackie Shroff + Sonali Kulkarni + Hindu/Muslim angles at times = Got me waiting for someone to scream “Beta Altaaf” and someone to sing Bhumro Bhumro a la Mission Kashmir. 

3. Disha Patani’s acting is so abysmal, that if she was a dish in Gordon Ramsay’s Masterchef, he would pick up the knife and stab himself to death. She’s like the Karela which you can dress up in a dollop of cheese, roll in Panko crumbs, deep fry and serve with jalapeño dips and it’ll still be Karela at the end of it. She looks  great and hey, she also makes it through a movie without being killed off, but she can be award winning only when someone makes a movie about how a mannequin learnt how to dance. Like Happy Feet for mannequins in Macy’s maybe. 

4. Katrina Kaif’s Hindi is now officially better than my husband’s Kannada; and he’s been in Bangalore 9 years now. So, she’s a living example of “if you really want something and have Bhai’s blessings, the universe conspires to help you achieve it”. She however looks beautiful, sans all make up, even if she fills Government forms with a pen that she holds like MF Hussain’s paintbrush.

5. Do you remember the circus from childhood? Where you would enter to the wafting smells of elephant poop and monkey stench. Where a very old man juggled some balls, where you saw another old man cut a woman in half. The circus in Bharat is nothing like that. It’s the rich man’s circus in a poor city. It’s the Hunger Games of circuses. 50% of Bharat’s budget went in the lighting of the circus. 

6. Fact-finder’s nightmare - Bharat goes somewhere in the middle-east to work in an oilfield. No, I did not forget the name of the country, they actually said “Somewhere in the middle-east” and kept calling it Arab. Which country did Bharat go to - Sequel material maybe. 

7. Bharat gets to romance his boss or who he calls Madam Sir. It’s almost like hmmm, what have never done in my career which the other Khans have done. Oh, they did Yes Boss, Maya Memsaab and Raja Hindustani. I gotta romance ze boss! 

8. Bharat’s punjabi mother approves of his live in relationship and approves of his girlfriend gatecrashing her daughter’s wedding, putting on an item number and saying that your son ditched me. Please woman,  no self respecting Punjabi mother in law is this nice or accommodating - They would never let Kat go without a phat-phat Angrezi bolti hai or Dekho kitni moofat hai snub. And live-in? Log Kya kahenge? Come on, Sonali, Character!!! 

9. Terrible makeup of old Bharat and old Madam Sir. They’re practically Snapchat filters in reverse of themselves, though I suspect Salman’s is closer to reality than anyone believed. 

10. Finally, this is an ode to Salman’s real life. He has this big-ass family, some fairly useless (Read: Arbaaz), he works really hard to take care of them, refuses to marry and lives in with his girlfriend because, parivaar. This movie is just Salman Khan waving the middle-finger at every media person who says Sir aapki Shaadi kab hogi. 

This could definitely be a 20 point review, but i must hold myself back, coz Izzat. Sayonara, until the next one hits the screens! 

A beginner's guide to the Modern Lettering Galaxy!

A lot of people have asked me in the recent past, more so at or after the Stationery Collective as to how to get started with calligraphy, the basics, the resources, etc. I can’t be happier that people have this interest and want to learn. When I started, I literally bought a Parker flat nib pen off Amazon and then read and dug around to slowly add on to my stationery kit. I took time and found what I liked and worked for me. So, if I can do anything to even as much as open the gates to someone, I will be glad but then from there, it is your journey and your preference that will guide you. Of course, I’m the happiest to exchange notes and share what I find and vice versa learn from you as well!

So, here’s some pointers to get started.

Four misconceptions we must bust before we start writing:
1. Calligraphy is NOT cursive. Remember those four line notebooks we used in school, remember the cursive writing classes, remember the teachers who gave some of us that extra 1 mark for ‘neatness’? That is cursive writing, consistently writing, quickly writing, without taking your pen off paper and yet making the output look like print. Calligraphy pays more attention to letter, strokes, connections, flourishes, placement, etc. Calligraphy is not cursive. So, if you’ve forgotten cursive writing – all the better!

2. Calligraphy is NOT restricted to those with good handwriting. This is a huge myth that only someone with good handwriting can become a calligrapher. I learnt this the other way because I pride myself on a good handwriting, but no, calligraphy did not come naturally and magically easy to me. I follow some amazing calligraphers on social media and their normal handwriting is very average. It does not matter how your handwriting it. Calligraphy is like any other art form – You learn, practice, keep at it and then you get okay.

3. Calligraphy involves ‘scripts’. ‘Fonts’ are for digital work and machines! 😊

4. Calligraphy is NOT restricted to Right-handers. Calligraphy like any art form is equally challenging to right and left-handed people alike. It is a huge myth that left-handed people cannot do calligraphy. Your style and angle of holding the pen will be different, but the technique is the same and Calligraphy is for everyone.




Scripts and brushes – What are we writing?

There’s a lot of different styles in Calligraphy:

1. Copperplate - A rounded script, popular for cards, formal invitations,etc. Uses a pointed pen and nib.

2. Spencerian - American business lettering, minimal shading but beautiful light hairlines. Uses a pointed pen and nib. 

3. Faux or Modern Calligraphy - This is what I do and was using that day and this is what I did for the notebooks, bookmarks, coasters, etc that I sold at the LBB Stationery Collective as well. It is a more modern form of calligraphy and not very rigid in rules. Use brush pens generally but Pencils and pens can also be used for Modern calligraphy.

4. Gothic, flat nib, mono-line - There's many many more!

First and probably ONLY rule for brush lettering is:

Thick downstrokes and Thin upstrokes. 

Just try and get this bit done and everything will fall in place. With practice you’ll learn how to connect letters and get them to be bumpy around. Don’t worry at all about staying in one line, with brush lettering you can play with the letters and make some go above the line, some go under.


RESOURCES:

Brush Pens

1. Good Starter pack - Add Gel Twin Tip Little Artist Brush Pens. These retail for 150 for 12 colours and are easily available in stationery stores across India. They have a good fine tip brush which is good for the big script work. For the price and availability, these are #1 on my list. Use the fine tip side to write. The brush pen tip can bend almost 90 degrees and touch the paper entirely when you press it but when you lift it, it will become a finer tip and become a thin stroke.

https://www.amazon.in/Add-Gel-Little-Artist-Brush/dp/B071HJL3PG


2. Faber Castell Pitt Artist Brush Pens - my go to pens for brush lettering. They’re so good and sturdy, my pens from June last year are working just fine still. You get them on flipkart or Amazon - 6 basic colors for about 400. Prices will go up for the fancier colors. 

https://www.amazon.in/Faber-Castell-Artist-Basic-Color/dp/B0014ZU668/ref=sr_1_10?keywords=Faber+Castell+Pitt+Artist+Brush+Pens&qid=1557063089&s=office&sr=1-10


3. Tombow Fudenosuke Brush Pens - Brush pens from Japan - You've got to believe the quality is great! There are big brush pen versions, a soft tip and hard tip brush pen as well. Different sizes to get you different consistencies. I love these because the tips are very strong, will not fall apart and are superb for practise work but also getting final work done. These are easily available on Amazon. A pack of four pens - Big brush, Soft tip, Hard tip and a grey tip are available for Rs.500-600 on Amazon. 

https://www.amazon.in/Tombow-Fudenosuke-Pen-Combo-GCD-111/dp/B07DN7WFWB/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=Tombow+Fudenosuke+Brush+Pens&qid=1557063114&s=office&sr=1-4


4. Pentel Touch Sign Pen - These are not easily available in India and expensive on Amazon or Flipkart, so I get someone to bring back from the US or anywhere outside. They are like the soft tip Tombow, but very very smooth and beautiful to write with. Please note: Pentel Touch and Pentel Touch Sign are different. Sign is what you want for brush tips. 

https://www.amazon.in/Pentel-Touch-Black-Stroke-SES15C/dp/B00818S6CC/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2YA4XXYWGWR4N&keywords=pentel+fude+touch+sign+pen&qid=1557063151&s=office&sprefix=Pentel+Touch+Sign+Pen+%2Coffice-products%2C311&sr=1-1


5. Sakura Brush - This brand does great stuff in general. Their brush pens are available on Flipkart or Amazon - for about 600-700 for a pack of 6 colours if I remember right. But they’re tricky to work with in the beginning. Consider after getting some practise.
https://www.amazon.in/Sakura-38061-6-Piece-Assorted-Colors/dp/B002V3GGP2/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=Sakura+Brush&qid=1557063250&s=office&sr=1-3


6. Others - Ecoline Brush pens, Zig Kuretake are great too.
https://www.amazon.in/Royal-Talens-Ecoline-Assorted-Colours/dp/B077JYNLYW/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1KQK509HCADX9&keywords=ecoline+brush+pens&qid=1557063289&s=office&sprefix=Ecoline+Brush+pens%2Coffice-products%2C279&sr=1-3


Normal Pens & pencils

You can totally use normal pens and pencils for practise as well. To get the downstrokes thick, you will need to draw two lines for the thick stroke and fill it in manually. If you need to make something look like calligraphy but you’re out of pens or you’re travelling or something, you can totally make do with normal pens or pencils. I’ll put a separate post on some other amazing hard tip pens – Sakura Gelly Rolls, Uniball Signos, Sharpies, Sakura Pigma Microns, etc.

Paper
This is very underestimated but paper is incredibly important. What Brush pens realty come out the best on is thick and heavy but clear paper. Our regular xerox paper is okay, but its not going to give you the best results. Try and source the below from out of India if you can, because they’re too expensive in India:

1. HP Premium Laserjet 32 - 320 gsm paper –
https://www.amazon.in/HP-Printer-Premium32-Letter-Bright/dp/B000099O2W/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=hp+premium+laserjet&qid=1557063327&s=office&sr=1-4-catcorr

2. Canson North America XL

3. JK Cedar 100 gsm paper - Easily available at local stationery stores for ~Rs.400. Also on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.in/JK-Cedar-Paper500-Sheets-Ream/dp/B07DSF7TZV?ext_vrnc=hi&tag=googinkenshoo-21&ascsubtag=_k_CjwKCAjwkenqBRBgEiwA-bZVtgPWi1rsgXZq2ooYcZ5OTl200MTIKDp-U_xidRieQ0JVNzGSQOTO1RoCEhIQAvD_BwE_k_&gclid=CjwKCAjwkenqBRBgEiwA-bZVtgPWi1rsgXZq2ooYcZ5OTl200MTIKDp-U_xidRieQ0JVNzGSQOTO1RoCEhIQAvD_BwE

Else, in India - look for a paper that is at least 70-80 gsm or more. GSM means Grams per square meter, a thicker, more bleed free paper is needed to avoid colour running. The notebook we sold at the Collective is a 80 gsm paper, something of this texture will work great.


Where to buy materials

1. Flipkart and Amazon work great.

2. Hindustan Trading Company - they’re amazing with variety and if you don’t live in Chennai or know someone who can pick stuff for you, you can order online, albeit with a flat shipping added.

3. Itsy Bitsy - pretty okay but not the best with resources.
4. Art Lounge, Mumbai - And online 

5. Regular stationery stores - you’ll be surprised how versatile they are!

Some good worksheets to get you started 
1. Strokes – Thick on the down stroke and thin on the upper. You have to ever so lightly lift your pen while transitioning from a down stroke to the upper.
https://bydawnnicole.com/basic-strokes-worksheets-small-brush-pens/

https://thepostmansknock.com/free-brush-pen-worksheet-neat-slant-edition/

2. Letters – You’ll find many many worksheets online, but this one is a good starter.
https://bydawnnicole.com/better-brush-calligraphy/

3. Quotes and words – Some inspiration to get you started.
https://www.lemonthistle.com/tag/printable/
https://www.lemonthistle.com/tag/handlettered-printables/


Online videos which can help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zg6RZyHkw7k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBoVGqiSzr4


Learn from Instagram
Calligraphers TOTALLY worth following for inspiration, tips and tutorial videos on Instagram. A lot of them have their blogs as well – you’ll find the links in individual profile’s bios mostly. Many of them have amazing and impressive tutorials they upload from time to time. Nina Tran runs a Wednesday weekly tutorial as well.

1. The QUEEN of Brush lettering – Chelsea 

https://www.instagram.com/booksandbrushpens/

2. The Bombay Lettering Company – I took her Introduction to Pointed Pen calligraphy class and she's one of the more popular calligraphers in India currently for pointed pen work! She also has an online store to buy nibs and obliques - Worth checking out though you can also find supplies on Amazon, Hindustan Trading Company, etc. !

https://www.instagram.com/bombaylettering/

3. Ipad Lettering – This calligrapher from New Zealand, who does some amazing stuff on the iPad pro! 

https://www.instagram.com/ipadlettering/

4. Carolicity Designs – Watercolor artist and lettering on paper with watercolors and brush pens.
https://www.instagram.com/carolicitydesigns/

5. Via calligraphy – Toronto based Brush Calligraphy bad-ass! One of my favs!
https://www.instagram.com/viacalligraphy/

6. Lesley Scraps 

https://www.instagram.com/lesleyscraps/

7. Boxroom Art 

https://www.instagram.com/boxroomart/

8. Flourish and Pearl 

https://www.instagram.com/flourishandpearl/

9. Selena Ashley Designs 

https://www.instagram.com/selenaashley_designs/

10.  Hewitt Avenue – For iPad Lettering 

https://www.instagram.com/hewittavenue/

11. Younghae Chung – A left handed pointed pen maestro! 

https://www.instagram.com/logos_calligraphy/

12. Nina Tran – Pointed pen genius! Love her Insta live classes!
https://www.instagram.com/anintran/

13. Paul Antonio – Pointed pen genius from the UK.
https://www.instagram.com/pascribe/



I hope this is helpful enough for a start! If you have more questions, please write in or get in touch, I’ll be happy to help if I can!

Till then, Happy Lettering!!

From 2018 March Me to 2019 March Me...

On the right is a far happier person - Dec 2016 and Oct 2018

So, as I aged gracelessly slipping closer to a mid-life crisis than I want to admit, having missed a root touch up in time to clear up the Indra Gandhi greys in the front, I’ve been wondering. Its been a fruitful, yet demanding year. It took away one of my favourite people, my Aunty. But, it gave me a lot to do, a lot to be happy for, a lot to look forward to this year. Here’s a list of seven things that totally totally top 2018. I can’t wait to see how the next year turns out!



1. JOWO
Yup, yup you read that right. I discovered I already happily suffer from JOMO, which is the new buzz word everyone on social media is sharing (Including Malaika Arora apparently!). I love sitting at home doing nothing, watching television, rather than socialize with a bunch of people I don’t care very much about. But, what I discovered and what really changed my life this year, was a discovery that I have a Joy Of Working Out. Yup, take a moment. Let that sink in.

The very same old me who would sometimes not walk till the water cooler and look for candidates I could outsource this to, spent 75% of the year since my last birthday, waking up at 5 am, popping dry fruits and heading out to work my intestines out for the next one hour. It wasn’t just the weight loss, it was a lighter and happier heart, a more positive body image in the mirror, a sense of happiness that I hadn’t felt in years. Also, muscles I hadn’t felt in years started waking up.

I love my trainers (some are also incredibly good looking 😃 ), I love my watch tell me my heart rate has hit 174 bpm during cardio and love that soreness when I hit the bed after a new workout (And I’ve tried seven forms so far). Sweating it out, even on mornings when I didn’t want to turn the other side and spoil my sleep has taught me a lot of things – Caring for my body and my health. I haven’t changed a single thing in my diet, so I still chomp on EVERY single thing like before because I know I cannot sustain a random-ass diet which lets you eat nothing for months and then suddenly you explode because you’re back on Rajma. But I did understand that I didn’t need four gulab jamuns. I needed just one to make me happy, the other three were binge or stress eating. I understood myself a bit better and I love myself a whole lot more! My bigger accomplishment in the day is when I’ve deadlifted a new weight, rather than if I’ve finished that chocolate pastry. I don't know how long I'll do this for, but I know I've loved it so far, I look forward to it in the coming future at least!

The ones who noticed and wrote in to check what was up, if I’m okay – I love you. Those who didn’t, lets’ keep up this game of Andhadhun! Maybe you killed Tabu! 😐

Feb 2017, Jan 2018 and Jan 2019.

That's a happier heart with a better resting rate - from 2018 March to 2019 March. This is my best and happiest Before and After picture.

2. Calligraphy
On a rainy day in June, I remember I stumbled upon art work with a fountain pen and I went absolutely crazy afterwards with practice sheets, inks, pens, everything I could lay my hands on. I took free classes on skillshare, watched a ton of YouTube and Instagram tutorials, attended workshops and gifted some of my friends very awful looking things I doodled in the initial months. I found how this can be a calming and really happy time and realized putting pen to paper really makes me happy. Half my birthday wishes this year came with a word about this hobby of mine and some of my gifts came in the form of ink! And I have Tipping Point, today - May this tip toe well enough to be worth some points!




3. A city I could live in
Je t'aime, Paris. But, lets’ face it, I can never live in Paris. I’d need to really learn a great deal of French, buy a whole new wardrobe, learn to be very grumpy and as much as I love the Seine, the Eiffel and Pont des Alexandre, I can never live there. But, I found a place I CAN live in. Vienna. Its one of those places I wanted to visit as a kid because it sounded good to say. As I grew older, Austria beckoned for its beauty and Innsbruck’s peaks. On a larger trip that took us to eight cities, I can easily say Vienna was my favourite. English speaking, beautiful at every turn, Modern yet classical, wonderful public transport system, a socializing culture which revolves around coffee. I would very much like to move here someday! Yup, I will need all the money to survive here as well 😐




4. Learnt that Hardwork does not go unrecognized
A large part of the year was spent on a spin off which sucked the very blood, brains and sleep out of me. Which had me on conference calls for 10 hours a day, in office for 14 sometimes. By the end, everyone went their own ways and I started believing it doesn’t matter what you do, a corporate entity does not value you. Lets’ just say I’m still here and I’m happier. Patience goes an incredibly long way and you might be worth a whole lot more than you think - without having to haggle or throw any tantrums, silence goes a long long way too.



5. Keeping in touch
There’s so many people I couldn’t keep in touch with in the last few years because – there is this inertia to making that phone call, to sending that message because then you have so much to say. And later it would annoy the hell out of me that I’m falling out of touch with these very special people. I started leaving them voice messages on whatsapp and pestering them to do the same. Now we’re all atleast caught up with the basics of each others’ lives and we’re slowly inching back to that mad equation we shared. I got back in touch with my best friend from college - the one who I bonded with over F.R.I.E.N.D.S , so you see how long ago it was. And I only hope never to fall out of touch ever again. 

6. Anxiety, Sigh. It took a long time, but it finally made sense why some situations drove me up the wall, why I’d have sweaty palms, throbbing heart rates and a dry throat. I became cognizant and wise enough to realize I was having anxiety attacks constantly worrying about something or the other, plain stressing and it wasn't always going to turn out as badly as it played out in my head. But, it affected my day, my mood, my sleep, my relationships. Working out really really helped (Thank you, endorphins!) – but what also really helped was accepting that this is what I feel and its not my nature, but a condition that one can work on in small ways and get better. Happy to report, we’re moving past sweaty palms at minimum now.

7. Letting go
There’s a lot of toxic people I know of – who’ve done nothing better than fat shame, blatantly seek attention all the time or plain disregard and absolutely ignore things I’ve done or felt for them. 2018 was special, I learnt that I don’t need this level of toxic around me and made a conscious effort to disconnect from this feeling of rage they would manage to give me every few weeks. I moved on from a lot of shit, lots to go, but the journey has begun.

10-Point review of Thugs of Hindostan

It’s not as Awfully, miserably and terribly bad as the reviews suggest - it’s funny in parts, no one’s acted poorly and the locations in Malta and Thailand are splendid. We’ve endured way worse movies than this!
BUT WATCH IT ONLY ON TV!!

Because this is what I vividly remember of the movie:

1. Someone found Lagaan and Asoka costumes in Diwali cleaning and wondered - Hmm what movie can we make to use both of these!

2. Aditya Chopra does not know what to do with his money. But he knows that 60% of the budget of the movie is to be spent on conditioner or Kajal. 0% is spent on face wash.

3. What is with that eagle - name it Dunzo. It delivers messages and drops goodies.

4. Katrina Kaif must be charging by item song - and her choreography was worse than most annual day performances!

5. The British actors speak better Hindi than Katrina.

6. There is no need to have a British angle to this movie - these people could be fighting minions, or Kauravas or the Kilikili tribe of Bahubali - hardly matters.

7. A stupid shot taken in slo-mo is just a really slow stupid shot.

8. Not the most apt movie for Aamir to pierce his nose 🙄

9. Amitabh can’t do Shahenshah 2 or Khuda Gawah 2, hence Thugs of Hindostan.

10. You throw 40 punches and then get shot and die. Just steal guns for gods sake, you stupid thugs!

10-point review of Simmba

So, here goes. My ten point review of this mad, masala, mazedaar movie named Simmba. I’ll do my best not to be biased though I love this Sindhi actor ❤️

Firstly, It is going to be a massive disappointment for anyone looking for sense and sensibility in a movie. You don’t go to watch a Rohit Shetty movie for that. It’s like walking into Kailash Parbat and asking for a Gnocchi al Funghi. You come for the pani puri, which is unhealthy but so damn good, you smack your lips, enjoy it and keep going back for more! If you don’t like Pani puri, I’m not sure why we’re friends.. and also, please don’t bother reading any further.

1. Ridiculously entertaining first half. I was in a PVR on weekends, when tickets aren’t cheap and college kids are not the audience. Yet, the whistling and clapping took me back to watching a Salman movie in single screen theatres when we were in college. It was paisa vasool. Thankfully, the first half carries the burden of the second half, because you can endure the drama patiently waiting for something exciting to happen next.

2. I am in awe at the magic of some of these artists. Ashutosh Rana who won Filmfares for his mad and violently diabolical character in Dushman 20 years ago, today breezes through his role as a constable with a paunch. Ranveer Singh plays Alauddin Khilji with the same conviction he plays Bhalerao Sangram and he kills it. You love him and root for him all through. Ashwini Kalsekar as the judge is so weird, you almost worry that if you land up in court, such judges will decide your fate; but you want her to take Simmba’s side. She’s surprisingly believable.

3. Hats off and whistles galore for the Ajay Devgan special appearance. Pointless, but what a mood lift after a second half which unravels slowly and endlessly like Draupadi’s saree.

4. Rohit Shetty has become quite inspired by Marvel. The next movie’s teaser is launched at the end of this one. And there’s more khaki vardis and Scorpios to come, clearly. But, I will be there on the opening weekend with my popcorn and maybe by then I’ll learn to whistle too.

5. Sonu Sood’s waistline is perhaps why he got bumped off Manikarnika. No woman, however feminist or even deranged like Kangana can have the hero with a smaller waist than herself. He’s however incredibly fit and so incredibly similar to EVERY movie he’s done in the last 5 years. And can we please give him some shirts, he doesn’t have to be looking like a Lux Cozi model in every shot.

6. The movie is ridiculously long. At 2h 45m running time, its 45m too long

7. In the second half, Sara Ali Khan is more blink & miss than Sonam Kapoor in that Coldplay video. In the first half, she gets to wear nice clothes, romance Ranveer and dance in Switzerland. Forget Taimur, people. Sara is the one who has really lucked out!

8. Simmba adopts more Mothers and sisters in these 165 minutes than I have adopted girl-friends in my whole life. Why is there this force-fitted Hum Saath Saath Hai vibe to this?

9. We have to stop milking the Nirbhaya case. It cannot be the only way to remind people how heinous rape is, or drive home a point. Candle light vigils, court references, really; lets’ stop!

10. Bollywood, This is the kind of movie you want to produce and we want to watch, unless you’re making something mind blowingly awesome like Andhadhun. You make rubbish like Thugs and we’re going to kill it. Take notes already, Aditya Chopra! Karan Johar is going to afford a lot more Balenciaga and Gucci through the money he will mint from Simmba! 

10-Point review of Gully Boy

How can I watch this masterpiece and have nothing to write about! Here goes, a not-so-quick, not-so-funny (you cannot mock this one!), 10-point review of Gully Boy!

1. If Sanjay Leela Bhansali does scale and opulence, Karan Johar does first world problems of Indians in London, Imtiaz Ali does love stories and journeys of self-discovery, Zoya Akhtar does characters. While Zindagi na Milegi Dobara and Dil Dhadakne Do were about mostly gorgeous and rich people, the characters were written so relatably and realistically, that you feel like Kabir, or feel like Arjun at times. Gully Boy is no different – you understand his driver dad’s insecurities; his mother’s explosive outburst saying she wants to leave but then dumbfounded once her husband says okay, leave; You understand Safina’s ferociousness, you understand Murad’s dilemmas. Everyone is as people are, real.

2. The movie is a superb primer into the rap world even if your knowledge of the topic like me is zilch. It should show up in google as the most relevant result if you googled “Mumbai underground rap scene for dummies”.

3. The supporting cast is stellar – Siddhant Chaturvedi is splendid and to be honest, I’m not surprised because he is my one lasting memory of Inside Edge. Watch it right away if you haven’t already. He’s brilliant in the most under-played fashion in that series. How he plays Ranveer’s senior, mentor and guide with more oomph in his first movie than Ranveer plays Murad is beyond me! Kalki in her brief part is lovable and so watchable as Sky, you wish she had more time on screen. Vijay Raaz is brilliant, even Slow Cheeta in his single rap battle scene is memorable.

4. Friendship in the most ordinary of times and places is probably the most genuine. While many of us have a ton of social connections and networks, with hundreds of ‘friends’ who will like even posts with poor grammar and no sense or sensibility, we have very few true friends who will tell you not to do drugs but who will steal cars with you when needed; who will go to jail for you, who will celebrate your success even if it means their failure. This kind of aspirational friendship in Gully Boy is celebrated and yet shown as matter-of-factly as possible. Where is my MC Sher, even?

5. Rap battles – Great battle of insults, but Please, Zoya. Two Punjabi mothers in law will defeat MC Sher, Gully Boy, Slow Cheeta all combined.

6. The landscape – I was yet to see a movie based in Mumbai with no shot of Marine Drive or in the more recent years, Antilla. Gully Boy is a weirdly beautiful journey into the less seen chawls and gullies of Mumbai, without giving it a poverty stricken Slumdog Millionaire feel.

7. Dialogues – Heartfelt, normal, deep and pensive – You have all of them. You relate to the lines in some way or the other. Even if I grab my blanket from Vivek nowadays and tell him “Ilaaka ye mera, go back to your gully”, I also recall telling him “Jaisi hoon, waise rehne deta hai, use zyada kya chahiye” more oft than once. The lines are as normal and real as they can get.

8. Gully Boy teaches you to never give up on your dreams, but also tackles a bunch of social evils on the side very smartly with these stereotypes – A man who has a second marriage, but whose mother thinks he’s never done any wrong (you’re every amma, dadi!); Parents who are over-strict with their kids because of which they’re lied to more often than not. What makes it truly brilliant though, is that it also breaks stereotypes as quickly as it established them – Sky, this youtube troll who turns out to be a girl much to the shock of Sher & Murad; The foreigner chick who hangs out with Sher because ‘ye log seedha aankh mein dekhte’; Sher spontaneously telling a chauvinistic boy off at a festival through rap.

9. Murad & Safina’s relationship is so beautiful, so simple and so clean. Their intro scene is holding hands and listening to music quietly in the bus; Murad’s name is saved as some aunty’s on Safina’s phone (we’ve all been there!); the kissing is normal, the late night phone calls are normal, everything they say and do feels like yours or your best friend’s love story which you know to be real. Plus, she’s bad-ass enough to assault a girl who even messages Murad – the scene being equal parts hilarious and equal parts establishing why you shouldn’t be shocked when he breaks a bottle on Kalki’s head later on!

10. The way the movie ends is beautiful, intelligent and highly mature. You’re left with high grade optimism in a very real and relatable way. I walked from the lift to my car in the parking lot with some pretty unnecessary swag because that’s how upbeat the movie leaves you.

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