Ramayana 2026 - A visual treat!

Millenials like me have earliest associations to mythology from Ramanand Sagar’s Krishna, Arun Govil playing Ram in Ramayan and the mega opus Mahabharat which started with “Main Samay Hoon”. To go from that to appreciating modern mythology on screen takes a lot. I’ll be honest, I dissed the trailer, could not relate to Ranbir Kapoor playing Ram. But this movie works not because of him, but despite him (and his unnecessary trembling in every serious scene). And here’s a few scenes that absolutely work, that sing, that blew my mind.

1. Ravan’s ten heads
• I can honestly close my eyes and remember this scene so well because it literally gave me the chills. Ravan is in turmoil on how to proceed after knowing his two henchmen have been killed and Surpanakha’s nose has been cut off. He swings wildly between options, Honor and Revenge or Patience and calm. Each head gives him different advice - Each of the ten has something to say and eventually they literally line up on either side of his head allowing you to appreciate the visualization of the (in)glorious ten heads of Ravan. This isn’t just something they throw in to the dialogues - they took the trouble of actually playing Ravan’s ten heads out.
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2. Jatayu’s fight
• The one most talked about scene in every review - and rightfully so. Jatayu, the Bird King isn’t a mere side character who appears out of nowhere when Sita is being abducted, but he has a place in the scene when Ram is born, when Ram heads out for exile and it looks natural when he shows up when Sita is in distress. He puts up an intense fight, not just injuring Ravan but plucking him out of the flying vehicle and eventually even cutting his head off, only to have a new one grow back in its place. Ravan eventually gets the better of Jatayu and cuts off his wing, which leads to Jatayu’s death - not before some valuable intel on Lanka and what to expect when Ram tries to defeat Ravan and rescue Sita. After this, you see the thousands of birds place a twig each on his body almost creating a funeral pyre and Ram lights fire to his pyre with due respect. This scene made me cry honestly.
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3. The Pushpak Vimana
• Older depictions of the flying vehicle that Ravan uses to travel to Lanka after abducting Sita were generally chariots with wings absurdly attached to the sides. The Pushpak vimana shown in Ramayana is a legit vehicle with beautiful aesthetics from the lotus petals and some interesting aerodynamics. It’s gigantic and looks intercontinental range!
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4. Ayodhya being all lit up for Ram’s coronation
• This scene was breathtaking to watch, especially the one from afar where Ayodhya’s riverbanks were fully illuminated with diyas. It was almost surreal.
5. Dashanan’s penance and journey to Ravan
• Ravan before he became the Asura king was Dashanan, a young man interested in the fine arts more than the art of war. Egged on by his mother, he sets off on this journey to perform penance and appease Brahma for a precious boon. The single scene where he’s on the edge of a mountain in Vrikshasana praying to the Gods - seasons change, there’s rain, snow, hail, sun but nothing moves him. At the end of the scene, vines start growing around him and he is encompassed in the tree almost, which is when Brahma appears. The sheer intensity of his penance, was plain amazing to watch.
6. Bharat taking Ram’s padukas (and blessings) to manage Ayodhya in his absence
• I have to say, this was the most amusing scene to me as a child. I used to ask my Mom, why does Bharat take away the only footwear Ram has - firstly he has been exiled and then his brother shows up and says please give me the pair you are wearing currently (Wonder if he brought him a back up pair). Ok, apologize for drifting way off. But, the image of Bharat holding the padukas to his forehead and telling Ram he will manage the administration of the kingdom with the padukas placed on the throne. His devotion was truly so heartwarming to watch.
7. Ravan’s taking of Lanka and literally sitting on a mound of bodies
• This just gave Game of Thrones intensity. Ravan newly minted post the penance and the boon of near-immortality, walks up to the doors of Lanka and unleashes furious power and single-handedly decimates the army and king. During the fight, at a point, he climbs up a mound of bodies and sits as if it were a throne itself. This scene tells you of the chilling future of this Asura King. In this scene, he looks like Shiva, the deity he worships deeply.
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8. Ravan’s appeasing of Shiva to become more powerful
• There’s been Tandav scenes but there’s Yash dancing like he’s possessed, trying to appease Shiva - he seems to enjoy the madness, the damroo, the Shiva like attire and then no surprise, he gets what he’s wishing for. Yash truly looks the part - he is way more Ravan than Ranbir would ever be Ram.
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9. Ram and Sita’s meet cute at the temple.
• When Sage Vishwamitra informs Ram that he must marry Sita during the Svayamvar, Lakshman, his loyal wingman, requests if there was a way for Ram to see Sita before the ceremony. Without much ado, we transition to a temple scene where Ram is engaged in prayer before a Shiva Linga. Sita enters the temple accompanied by her gal pals. There are a few moments where they exchange glances, stand still for a brief moment, and then walk away. The meet cute I didn’t have on my list for this movie!
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10. Ram and Kaikeyi’s last interaction before he leaves for exile
• Lara Dutta’s portrayal of Kaikeyi was perplexing to me because she’s about 20 years younger than Arun Govil, who plays Dashrath. By the way, the casting is stellar as he reprises the original Ram as his father in this version. However, there’s a scene in the movie’s beginning where she feeds Ram before the other brothers and declares that he’s dearer to her and the eldest of the clan. This revelation comes full circle when the two meet again before Ram leaves for exile. He tells her that when he returns, he wants her to promise him that she’ll feed him first again. There’s a hint of guilt and remorse on her face, a realization of her actions and how they’ve led them to where they are now. But then there’s a sense of resignation, acknowledging that it’s too late to change anything. This sorrow was beautiful to watch.

Ramayana may not be the truest mythological depiction of the story - but it’s the most larger than life, glorious, vivid and watchable one in the theaters. I remember taking Vir for the re-release of the 1993 Japanese anime studio produced Ramayan and perhaps he was too young, or he found it too soft to relate to. I can’t wait to show him this one and see him hold his breath when Jatayu is fighting Ravan or when Ram is fighting off Tadaka. Movies like these don’t come along very often - but I’m glad they do and we can sit back and watch them come to life on the big screen.

Main Vapas Aaunga: the most poignant movie I've ever seen

What did I just watch!

When I first saw the poster for Main Vapas Aaunga, I went, "Ah, Imtiaz is back. But why Vedang and Sharvari?" I didn't follow much of the promotional run that followed. But when it finally released, two friends told me I mustn't miss it, and that I had to watch it on the big screen. These are the same two I've had long, passionate debates with about Lootera being one of Bollywood's most underrated gems, so the recommendation carried real weight. A week passed, but I was determined to catch it in theatres. When I finally went to book tickets, I found they were selling out fast. By the time we got to the theatre, it was packed. A film running purely on word of mouth – this had to be good, right? And boy, Vedang does not disappoint. Even with this heavy star cast, the two people that carry this through and through are Vedang and Naseeruddin Shah. 

Here are ten things that stayed with me, and will likely continue to, long after watching Main Vapas Aaunga.

1. Angst. Imtiaz Ali has never been a novice at showing us emotion in the most relatable, real way – case in point: Rockstar, Tamasha, Love Aaj Kal. The thread that carries this film through isn't Partition itself, isn't the horror of that night, isn't even the heavily communal hue most Partition films get trapped in. It's angst. The incompleteness of a love story, trapped in time. At 95, Grewal wants to go back to Sargodha and tell Jiya his poem. He spends a lifetime pining for her, filling notebooks with poetry he never delivers. That angst breaks you.

2. The lack of anchoring in a refugee's life. I'm half Sindhi, half Konkani. My Sindhi family has been my only true family growing up. My closest aunt, who raised me like a mother, would tell me about our village in Sindh. My grandparents didn't leave in the mass exodus of Partition they left a few years earlier. Some of my oldest relatives were born in Sindh and spoke fondly of their life there. They told me of a pinga, a kind of swinging bed, where the family would lounge and watch the fields after a hearty meal. They told me of imported cars, of fine leather bags and crystal their parents brought back from business trips across the world. Many of them left overnight to rebuild their lives in India, but carrying that heavy memory of the world they'd left behind, they never quite found an anchor here. They passed away without ever going back, without ever getting that warm goodbye to the place they were born and raised in. I've looked up our village on Google Earth, on maps – it exists, it is real. It's forbidden to me, but it's where my family came from, and it likely holds its own stories of laughter, mirth and family, like any other place would.

3. The fragility and uncertainty of life in that era. When the Partition plan was announced, it was met first with disbelief. Of course they can't force us to choose a country. Of course we can decide where we want to stay. Of course they won't separate us. But then, suddenly you're not allowed to casually cycle into the non-Hindu side of Punjab. Suddenly you're packing your life into a single bag, hiding in wells, trying to stay alive long enough to reach the train station and get out of the place you called home.

4. The reality of how it panned out. History books taught us that Pakistan gained independence on the 14th of August, and India on the 15th. Does everyone remember the date of Partition? Does everyone remember how the borders were drawn, or who drew them? Did they make sense? No. The illogical planning, and even worse execution, of that plan shocks you and reminds you how inhuman war and colonisation can be.

5. The flashback structure. The ease with which the film slips into flashback and comes right back to the present day is commendable. It never feels choppy, incongruous or confusing. You become just as invested in what really happened as the grandson is. You wait with bated breath to see if there's a reunion, or even just one last look, at the end.

6. Death becomes ordinary, once you've seen enough of it. After the night the train sets off for Amritsar, Grewal has seen so much death: so many murders and beheadings that when his own father passes, he'd rather go to work and return for the funeral than sit and mourn. He says, "Hum refugee hai, humari shok manaane ki aukaat nahi hai." It hits you hard; hits you that the men of that generation had it brutally hard, and that their mental state would likely depress a therapist today. They saw too much. It hardened them, made them harsher parents, made them less loving. They suffered so much that no other suffering came close – choice of spouse, choice of education, family conflict, none of it seemed worth addressing next to what they'd endured. Was it a valid excuse? No. Was it hard? Yes.

7. The raw, real relationships in the present day. An ageing, not-particularly-loving 95-year-old parent, suffering and swinging between life and death, keeps his 65-year-old children on tenterhooks and they don't feel only love for him, but also an impatience to simply move on with their lives. This is no Karan Johar film, where the whole family camps out at the hospital, prays at the hospital Ganesha idol, and keeps vigil for Dadaji. This is hard-hitting and real; it sits with the grudges the children carry, but eventually shows you how they're also rooting for him, knowing he suffered through all the days he lived, and that he deserves a peaceful, complete death. I'd like to believe they forgave him, and thought kindly of him, after that intensely emotional last scene.

8. The one earring. The past is introduced through Jiya's search for a single lost earring; it ends with Grewal identifying her, decades later, from a portrait because she's wearing only one earring in it. Did she pine for him as much as he did? Did she know that even if he found her, or only the portrait remained, she wanted there to be something specific, something recognisable, to remind him that this was his Jiya? The simplicity, the innocence, of that one prop broke me.

9. The women. The women who got on the train suffered the loss of home, community, and loved ones and were then forced to rebuild lives, raise children in an unfamiliar land, and live with husbands haunted by the ghosts of Partition. But the women left behind, because it was too dangerous to get on the train, had it worse. The grandmother who cries and begs to leave with the men of the family eventually takes it upon herself to protect the honour of the young girls in her care when the atrocities begin. The frozen frame where the women are leaving, and one turns to wave at the men, breaks your heart in a way you can't quite explain because you know something terrible is about to happen, and you also know there was no good solution here. Nobody knew right from wrong. Everyone was just trying to keep their family safe, knowing there was never a best case outcome.

10. Whether love like this is even possible today. There's bound to be conversations about whether a yearning, a love like this, is possible at all now. In an age of situationships, instant messaging and social media, it's easy to forget how precious a single photograph once was. One forgets how you could go days without a single glimpse of your lover, and how, strangely, that distance and emptiness kept you connected. This is touched upon through the grandson's present-day relationship, but it lingers, and keeps you thinking. It reminds you of how you fell in love, how you felt consumed by that warm, fuzzy feeling and nothing else mattered. It really knocks you out, the moment the two present-day lovers turn to each other and say, "I want to be loved like this."

There are always films that make you cry, make you laugh, make you talk about them at work and with friends. But every few years, a film comes along that hits you deep inside, that lodges itself in you like a memory of a time that existed long before you did. It may not define you, but it intrigues you, not as trivia, but for the way it reframes how you think about your lineage, your forefathers. Main Vapas Aaunga is a watch for anyone with a heart, anyone willing to let themselves feel deeply and love fiercely.

 

Sunsets - a little bit of daily magic!

Today’s splendid sunset

Over the past many months, I’ve found myself thinking about the afterlife a fair amount. Maybe it’s from having to explain to Vir where his grandads are. Or why I cry about them never being able to see them again. The permanency of death is hard to communicate to a four-year old. I’ve found an answer that’s been doing the job so far. They’re in the stars. Too far away, but they’re always watching over, they’re laughing at our antics, they’re happy in the stars. 

Today, the absolutely gorgeous sunset stole my heart but also tugged at my heart a bit. My dad was a complete sunset junkie. The kind that would drive miles on vacation for the perfect sunset point. The kind who’d wait till he saw the sun go right in and then trudge back to the car in the dark. The one who’d plan travels and hotels around where the best sunset view was. He was never a sunrise person - Waking early is a quality neither he nor I have. We make up for sunrises with catching as many sunsets as we can. I remember the last week with him, when we were on vacation by the ocean and we caught a few sunsets together. He had just gotten the handy cam and he filmed several minutes of the sun going down, with us chattering away in the background. It didn’t matter to him - He was intently watching. I’d probably be a million times more aware of my last few days with him and catch every sunset every single day together, only if I knew. 

Today I got thinking - What if sunsets are how our departed loved ones find us. Do they send the sun every day to watch over us and retreat when the day is over. Is the sunset our way of saying Good bye to our loved ones every single day. The sun brings hope for a new day, brings warmth of their hugs, signals us to rest every evening, may not even be visible on a terribly cloudy day (which we have more than our share of in Bengaluru), but always shows up the next day. The sun is probably how my dad’s been coming back to me every single day since he left. Is the sunrise him waking me up because I’ll be late for school again. And the sunset him reminding me to slow down and soak in the lovely sky. 

You know how you sometimes land up at a place and it feels like you’ve been there always, even if it’s the first time you ever set foot there. The sunset feels that level of familiar, not just because it’s something I’ve grown up with (of course, duh!). But, it has a way to warm my heart every time I watch it retreat - in all its glory, colouring up the sky with more colours than any Crayola could. For those few minutes, it feels exclusively mine. 

There’s magic in every sunset - For me, it will always be a piece of my dad that I get back every single day.

Another beauty in the last few months 

A lovely sunset at the Andamans

The ocean sunsets hit different

Animal - the Problematical, Irrational Laughable debacle

If you haven't watched it yet - Don't. Read this instead.

Animal is one of the worst movies ever made – Let’s get that out of the way. It has trashy testosterone glazed dialogues, plot holes the size of Silk Board junction’s and character writing more sloppy than RGV Ki Aag. Ranbir Kapoor is single-handedly the only reason you can sit through this trash fest of over 3 Hours. Despite the storyline going wonky every 5 minutes and characters who just pointlessly show up and vanish, he carries this mountain of rubbish on his able shoulders and OMG is he a treat to watch in some scenes. Those eyes! Also, It helps that I watched the movie in a theatre with people laughing at all the stupidity, so I could comfort myself that this country is in good hands.

1. More people have come and gone in this pot-boiler of nonsense than Game of Thrones. People just show up, from nowhere, for no goddamn reason and die – again for no reason.
2. Vanga sir – there is so reason to explain your stupidity. Eg: I did not need to know that Ranbir’s underwear fabric softener was not good hence he is going commando and wearing the Dhoti for that fight sequence. Such stupidity needs no explanation, should have no explanation – If he turned up looking like a Yakshagana dancer, I would not question it – I have been trained through the first half to suspend all logic. Just like I suspend how a steel making company is dishing out guns like Chiclets and nobody is questioning the legality of it! Just like this bunch of goons is standing and singing a song while Ranbir is getting his head blown out like a Pinata cake.
3. Can you believe that it takes till the interval for you to learn Ranbir's name in the movie? It didn't occur to anybody to just give him some labeling till that point. There are glimpses of Yalgaar with this very dysfunctional love story and father obsession – Does it help that Ranbir looks like Sanjay Dutt? The only thing missing was an Aakhir tumhe aana hai encore version!
4. Rashmika – You go girl. With your Bangalore accent and your I’ll slap you dude dialogues! But yes, please spit out that paan when you mouth Hindi dialogues next time. What da, macha, full bundle.
5. Bobby Deol – Lord Bobby, I feel bad this is your “comeback”. From being in Gupt and even the very unwatchable Yamla Pagla Deewana, this is just downright sad. Though even for that three costume role and that Abrar’s entry song, I could watch you all day long.
6. By the end, Ranbir cannot hear, has concussions, a broken bladder, a weak heart and YET, he is fighting people like effing Bahubali – is he supposed to go to Professor X in the next part and become one of the superpowered X-Men?
7. Good thing I paid only Rs.80 for two tickets (Thanks Mom’s credit card) and Rs.400 for food and I remember how the Samosa tasted more than I remember why the hell this man is killing everybody or what the revenge plot is about. My revenge plot about overtaking cars at Bellandur junction makes more sense than this. For example, I literally unlocked my phone to sms one OTP to somebody and in those few seconds, the revenge plot was explained, everyone was on board and there are Range rovers going through a sunflower field in Punjab. I sometimes doubted my own awareness - did I fall asleep in the quantum space when some explanations happened. 
8. The movie is so bad, it makes Aisha look like a masterpiece, makes The Archies look innocent not juvenile and makes Gunda look like an Oscar nominee. I want someone to create the Razzies only to please felicitate this entire movie with an award that should resemble one tight slap.
9. You thought Shiva Shiva Shiva was annoying – just you wait for Papa, Papa, Papa – I mean just SHUT UP!
10. Anil Kapoor is more pointless in the movie (thought it is all about Ranbir’s obsession for him) than the vase in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. Atleast that vase gave you Gamla, a scene you could laugh out loud for. Anil Kapoor could be played by a cactus and the movie would still make no sense. 

Vanga Sir has teased a Season 2 – Let’s pray by then Ranbir has migrated to Africa and begun reviving Nigerian cinema, because ANYTHING is better than this. Bobby has lost his speech, Ranbir has lost his hearing – I wish I lose my sense of memory, so I can forget this terrible movie and listen to its beautiful songs!

A 10 point review of Jawan

The movies are back and HOW. 

 

I’ve watched three movies this year – Pathaan, Rocky aur Rani ki Prem Kahani and Jawan. And I’ve loved each of them. For all the flak that over the top Bollywood cinema gets, its pretty much the kind we grew up watching. I can never forget how my dad would buy tickets in black and take us for movies like Roop ki Rani Choron ka Raja or Lamhe. I grew up watching this fantasy world – a galaxy far far away from reality. And it felt good. I think COVID was a much needed snap cut to the nonsense we had begun to make – Sooryavanshi, Circus, Shamshera, Thugs of Hindostan – omg, the stuff I started writing reviews about! But, the movies THIS year have brought back the same joy as childhood. All the three movies I watched have crater sized plot holes, but boy, do they have the element of joy which is Bollywood! Life’s hard enough, with enough dramas in our families, at work, in our relationships – I’m much happier suspending belief and watching irrational nonsense if it can make my heart warm – exactly the reason I enjoy some very random Korean dramas. 

 

I never got to write about Pathaan and RRKPK but here goes, my ten point review of Jawan without giving away a plot twist I’m dying to write about.

 

1. Atlee is clearly a Money Heist fan – one of the girls has Tokyo’s hair, the prison looks straight out of the vault, Nayanthara (a negotiator/single mother/romances the lead who’s the antichrist) is Raquel and don’t even get me started on the bandage mask! 
2. Atlee is also a Dark Knight Rises fan – Dragging a main character to lock him up, a Bane looking villain, it has the feels!
3. Vijay Sethupathy, this star – what a wonderful year playing the good cop in Farzi to a menacing villain in Jawan. Excellent casting – The villain universe is in good hands! Not so subtle references to the Matrix – red pill/blue pill!
4. Deepika’s cameo is short lived but sharp (I cried through all her jail scenes) – more hard hitting than Nayanthara’s role I’d think.
5. Social messaging on point throughout the movie – be it farmer suicides, voting apathy, malfunctioning substandard arms – I loved how some real life stuff was thrown in the mix with an otherwise fantasy movie (of course – how can a 57 year old man SLAY like that!)
6. Nayanthara did not recognize Shah Rukh from the voice – this is a Rab ne Bana di Jodi plot hole hitting you in the face.
7. +10 bonus points for references to older movies – Kaveri amma, Bahubali (did he mean Thangabali!?), Nayak nahi Khalnayak hoon main
8. Shah Rukh is probably also setting up retirement – channeling his inner Rajnikanth to do action like Vijaypath’s Ajay Devgan
9. I saw glimpses of Shah Rukh characters in the three hours of Jawan – Veer Pratap Singh, Major Ram Prasad from Main Hoon Na, Pathan, Don, Kabir Khan from Chak De (what’s with this captain leading a bunch of women beating up men!) and I could’ve sat there for three more hours chomping on popcorn watching more. I eagerly await Jawan 2.
10. Never been a Shah Rukh fan, but oh dear, this action hero, anti-establishment Shah Rukh is all I want to watch now!

 

Thanks for bringing back the movies, Shah Rukh! 

10 Things I Hate About You

Our first photo together

1. I hate how you rummage the fridge for your dinner sometimes, but make me order new

2. How you patiently listen to me ramble about work though I fall asleep when you do

3. How you watch Korean dramas you despise, just so we can get together time

4. I hate how right now, you even make me rhyme

5. I hate how you know I didn’t arrange my clothes and just shoved them into the cupboard

6. How you patiently fix it the next day, every single time, even if you’re bored

7. How you know when I’m saying the truth, those half truths, especially those lies

8. How you never buy me gifts, but quietly pre-pay that card bill and take me by surprise

9. I hate it when you’re not around, or how you’re always on a call

10. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, Not even close, Not even a little bit, Not even at all

Our most recent picture together

What two weeks in the hospital taught me…

Meeting her grandson after a whole 15 days in the hospital

My mom took seriously ill two weeks ago and spent a week in the ICU and ventilator. Besides contemplating life and circumstances, these two weeks gave me a lot of time with my thoughts. Some just endlessly waiting on doctors for updates, some just because I had hours where I just wanted to be by myself and not talk to or see anybody. I learnt many things, but some deserve to be documented. This will be a note to self in the future. 

1. Grief is very equalising. It doesn’t matter if you arrive in an auto, a bus, a BMW, you still are at the mercy of the doctors and nurses watching your loved ones. You all will likely pause at the Ganesha on the ground floor and pray. Grief is probably the most unifying, humbling and equalising force there is. 
2. Caregiving is lonely. Very. I had post natal periods of feeling terrible empty and lonely because I felt like my baby needed only me, I wanted to catch a break and some sleep but there wasn’t any to be had, I constantly worried over him and obsessed over every small sneeze even. It’s the same I’ve felt for my mother. And through all the endless waiting times, trips back and forth, I’ve not felt lonelier before. 
3. Grief also has a very long shelf life. I relived the accident in which I lost my dad a hundred times, continued to be able to smell the tar from the crash and a feeling of emptiness when I remembered how I went back home and had to move on with real life shit. I thought I’d have forgotten the little details after 25 long years. But turns out, not. In retrospect I also thanked god sometimes that he went through none of this suffering. On the first day of my mom’s hospitalisation, I had nightmares of the build up to the accident. It was unreal. Like someone opened Pandora’s box and Pandora had a bloody good memory all this while. 
4. Marrying right is one of the best things I’ve done. Knowing I have someone I can go back to, eat my Dal chawal with and someone to throw a blanket over me when I pass out on the couch is what real love stories are made of. 
5. There’s a life out there in the real. Outside of laptops, Teams, Outlook, Bellandur metro traffic, office dramas. There’s a world that exists parallel to mine. Where doctors, nurses still scribble vitals on a large folded A3 with a Reynolds pen. In unfortunate circumstances like this, we meet.
6. I watched an entire terribly trashy K drama (16 episodes of 1.25 hours each by the way) over ten days on my way to the hospital and back. Sometimes in the waiting space of the ICU, where I waited for two hours on some days to see my mom for one hour. I coped, I survived, I found a way to cut myself out of the people around me, some of who were with much more serious patients than mine. I sometimes amped up the volume, on full noise cancellation when someone would receive bad news and break down sobbing next to me. I did whatever I could to just exist and not fall apart. I’m probably never going to judge someone in a hospital waiting room watching shows on their phone (maybe if they’re very loud, but I won’t roll my eyes at them I’m sure). 
7. English classes about sympathy vs. empathy become real. There’s always going to be people to pretend to care and those who really do. Events like these make this distinction even clearer. It hits home hard but in retrospect it’s everything your heart always knew but didn’t want to accept. Also, having friends like family who ask me everyday HOW ARE YOU means the world. 
8. Some people mean well but just don’t know how to show it. They’ll try to guilt you about not answering the phone when you’re probably contemplating existence. Some of them mean well. Some, well. Okay. 
9. Medical insurance is horribly under-rated, under-discussed and misunderstood. 
10. In times like this it’s easy to beat yourself up about making certain choices which might seem like a bad daughter, a bad wife, or a bad mother. But I want to write my own affirmation here, that being a good enough person is grossly under rated. Fulfilling all roles par excellence is great but even fulfilling them just above passing marks is fine - as long as you are able to be your own hero, your own warm cup of hot chocolate, your best support. As long as you can wake up the next day, with the same hope that it will be a better day than yesterday, be the very average person but be there for yourself.