What's that pain in the heart called?

Ever felt like that?

That numbing..heart-wrenching feeling in the middle of your chest that sort of kills you with each breath you take?

Its cold. Its deathly. But its there. Inside of you. Calling out to you. Begging you to fix it. To do something to stop the pain. While you are too absorbed in the misery of living, drowned in tears oblivious to these calls from within.

Thats what it is. Thats exactly heartbreak. Heartache. Whatever you want to call it. Thats what it is.

It happens you know. In most cases, when you love someone way more than you love yourself. There goes that feeling of doing something for yourself because in true Bryan Adams style everything you do, you do it for him!

And yet, at times whatever you do, is not sufficient. It falls short. Your love falls that tad short of his expected standards from his prior experience(which you now wish you could wipe off the face of this earth with utmost brutality). And when you do feel ineligible to be loved back in return like you expect to, you squirm back into the realms of your self and let your feelings be thrown away like grains of sand as each wave of criticism wipes out their existence.

And then again, when that pain spurts off a new kind of feeling, of insecurity, of despair, of helplessness and you cringe and scream and retort with aggression, you turn out to be the bad one. He wouldn't ever understand that you can't suddenly forget the past and when it hits you right between the eyes, its bound to hurt. Forget him. For a fact, not a soul in this world can experience the helplessness and the anger all the same time that that foolish heart of yours feels.

Its a pity. Its a grave pity that the heart that wants to love is told to not to love. A heart that wants to give is accused of accusing. A heart that wants a future is told to get over the past, when the past is dictating our present.

The future can never be bright for two people who choose to delve in the past. Who choose to bring back bad memories of may I add bad people and jeaopardise the present. How can these people even make the mistake of dreaming of a future together when they can't get past their simple flaws? How does that work? It doesn't and never will.

Time lost is lost forever and doesn't return ever. Bad memories are Bad news for the present and great news for a relationship-epitaph if thats what two people want out of a battle of who did what and who has wronged who more.

But in the middle of all this, the heart of this dreamer has cried out loud. Because it is broken into as many countless parts as it cant imagine itself. This is an ode. An ode to a lover, a dreamer, thrown in the sea of reality who stopped dreaming..Just because it hurts too much to dream. Because some dreams are never meant to come true! They just die their own silent deaths with each tick on the clock. And life surprisingly, still goes on.

Is it criminal to change?

How many times have you had a fight with your best friend or someone extremely close to your heart and ended it saying-“You don’t need to change for me.” Lets get down to dirty reality, did you really mean it? Personally, everytime Ive said this line, I’ve let a silent sigh in my heart hoping that the other person would understand me! Its martyrdom to accept differences, suicidal to change, but there comes a time when it works more as an elixir than as a stab of poison.

A relationship grows stronger with an acceptance of different temperaments, ideologies and emotions. Often one person ends up moulding themselves too much and stifling the real person within their heart. This soft silent death of reality in a quest to keep alive a relatuionship is trulyt he defeat of the love they profess for each other. Now tell me is it better to change or to kill your true self?

Now changing doesn’t seem too bad does it?If it still does, try to look at it this way. Its growth. Remember the cycle of life,Birth,growth,death. To grow is to explore. If you never grew up, you’d srill be living in a crib, acting cranky and would die an infant death. Try looking at a plant. As it grows nurtured with care, it sheds its old leaves and undergoes a process of youthful regeneration. It changes too, but only for the better.

It is indeed inevitable to change,then why attemot to stop it? Why wallow in the depths of misery questioning it? The truth is, everytime you tell a person not to change, you yourself bend a little and make a small promise to yourself not to ever let this bother you again. Each such promise is a milestone in your journey and before you know it, you’ll reach the end turning out to be a vividly different person than the one you started out to be.