Dear Sanjay Leela Bhansali,

From the trailers and the songs and perhaps from the moment I read about Ram-Leela a year ago, along with of course the SLB tag, it was up there on the list. Ram Leela was a movie to be looked forward to. Something that would almost save this year, which has been at least relatively less bombarded with good movies as compared to last year. We’ve had few gems, Yes. And we were hoping to wrap the year up with some cinematic brilliance in Ram Leela. Error on our part to expect, you say? Perhaps. 

But we came in to be awed. For your movies, an audience like us comes in ready to absorb anything, even over-the-top sequences which we will disregard as unacceptable otherwise. We know we will see rich red and brown silks, incessant warm  candle-lit hues and the two hours will be a sure-shot visual treat. We came in wanting to be overwhelmed, but left being grossly underwhelmed. 

From the moment the sand artist made the elegant necked swan to create the SLB logo, I settled in hoping for similar elegance in the movie. In the first fifteen minutes, after about a 100 gun shots, a scene with a kid un-imaginatively named Goli in this gun-extravangaza, pissing off a roof, Ranveer Singh appearing out of nowhere and breaking into a male item song in absolute garish clothes which he peeled off systematically to all the female hysteria, I started losing hope. It further didn’t help that there was a plethora of filthy ‘Dhoti-geeli kar li’ and likening the heroine’s bust size to 136 (Yes, 136 – this is not a typo) strewn generously throughout the movie. At a point I wondered, if I was watching a Grand Masti sequel by mistake. SLB, you are hallmark to beautiful cinema, please leave the rolling-in-the-mud kind of sleaze-fest to the insignificant others. 

Indeed, you made it clear it would be Goliyon ki Ras-leela, but I wish there was more of Ram-Leela. The pair is together for bits and pieces in the first half and out of each others’ sight in the second half. You talk about love despite distances maybe? But, nowhere in the first half, for me at least, were you able to establish this love. The two couldn’t keep their hands off each other for a scene, did they even find the time to fall in love? To think about each others’ souls and hearts and not vital stats and ‘size’? *facepalm*

Something I was craving to see till the very end was this love story. Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight, yes. But, wasn’t that followed up by pure romance? Physical intimacy was a small part of their love, not the only thing they seemed to do when alone! For a man who made Khamoshi, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam and Devdas which were dripping romance and love, it is unbelievable why you would want to overlook something you are naturally and obviously good at – Capturing emotions of love and making people dream about this kind of consummate love for days afterward. 

Normal lovers exchange everything, I agree. Dirty messages, make sleazy advances at each other behind closed doors. But they also do so much more. They talk about their lives together; they look into each others’ eyes lovingly, without their hands simultaneously having to undress the other all the time. I’ll agree I love how Ram Leela are so real, but I feel there could have been so much more to them than we saw! I wish there was. 

Let us look at some high points of the movie. The music of Ram Leela is so haunting, it stays with you for days afterward. Mor Bani Thanghat sets the tone for the musical extravaganza from the opening credits and every few minutes, a new ride comes up and is an absolute pleasure to the ears. Laal Ishq reminds you of a peaceful yet inexistent state of love. Lahu Munh Lag gaya has the naughty, fun touch of love at first sight.

It is not as if there were no moments of brilliance in the movie. The scene where Dhankorba cuts Leela’s finger and Ram comes to her window at night and leaves that bloody mark from a broken finger on her door. It still gives me goosebumps. Couple of dialogues here and there – Beauty! “Ye toh aisa ho gaya na Ba, ki jaan nikaal bhi di aur zindaa chhod bhi diya”. Beautiful music, combined with absolutely beautifully shot sequences –A fantastic chasing sequences toward the end with the metal pot falling and rolling aimlessly, while Kesar Bhabhi runs for her honor and life alike; Deepika’s introduction scene, where she shoots in the sky, while there is an explosion of color and life with everyone playing Holi around. These little gems are there, individually shining, albeit shadowed and hidden away in the badly meshed chaos of the plot.

I went away, deeply wanting more from the movie. I went away feeling sad, because I felt this could have been so much better. It was in my head at least before I saw it. To-die-for outfits, extremely gorgeous looking actors and fabulous music definitely can enhance a plot. But here, there was such minimal flesh to actually dress-up, it almost seems like a hollowed mannequin beautifully dolled up in a window. It may have been liberating for you to make something so easy-going and loose flowing, but I wish it had something to keep me more engrossed and tied down. I wish I felt Ram and Leela’s pain and less my own at having witnessed this utter mess.