10-point review of Simmba

So, here goes. My ten point review of this mad, masala, mazedaar movie named Simmba. I’ll do my best not to be biased though I love this Sindhi actor ❤️

Firstly, It is going to be a massive disappointment for anyone looking for sense and sensibility in a movie. You don’t go to watch a Rohit Shetty movie for that. It’s like walking into Kailash Parbat and asking for a Gnocchi al Funghi. You come for the pani puri, which is unhealthy but so damn good, you smack your lips, enjoy it and keep going back for more! If you don’t like Pani puri, I’m not sure why we’re friends.. and also, please don’t bother reading any further.

1. Ridiculously entertaining first half. I was in a PVR on weekends, when tickets aren’t cheap and college kids are not the audience. Yet, the whistling and clapping took me back to watching a Salman movie in single screen theatres when we were in college. It was paisa vasool. Thankfully, the first half carries the burden of the second half, because you can endure the drama patiently waiting for something exciting to happen next.

2. I am in awe at the magic of some of these artists. Ashutosh Rana who won Filmfares for his mad and violently diabolical character in Dushman 20 years ago, today breezes through his role as a constable with a paunch. Ranveer Singh plays Alauddin Khilji with the same conviction he plays Bhalerao Sangram and he kills it. You love him and root for him all through. Ashwini Kalsekar as the judge is so weird, you almost worry that if you land up in court, such judges will decide your fate; but you want her to take Simmba’s side. She’s surprisingly believable.

3. Hats off and whistles galore for the Ajay Devgan special appearance. Pointless, but what a mood lift after a second half which unravels slowly and endlessly like Draupadi’s saree.

4. Rohit Shetty has become quite inspired by Marvel. The next movie’s teaser is launched at the end of this one. And there’s more khaki vardis and Scorpios to come, clearly. But, I will be there on the opening weekend with my popcorn and maybe by then I’ll learn to whistle too.

5. Sonu Sood’s waistline is perhaps why he got bumped off Manikarnika. No woman, however feminist or even deranged like Kangana can have the hero with a smaller waist than herself. He’s however incredibly fit and so incredibly similar to EVERY movie he’s done in the last 5 years. And can we please give him some shirts, he doesn’t have to be looking like a Lux Cozi model in every shot.

6. The movie is ridiculously long. At 2h 45m running time, its 45m too long

7. In the second half, Sara Ali Khan is more blink & miss than Sonam Kapoor in that Coldplay video. In the first half, she gets to wear nice clothes, romance Ranveer and dance in Switzerland. Forget Taimur, people. Sara is the one who has really lucked out!

8. Simmba adopts more Mothers and sisters in these 165 minutes than I have adopted girl-friends in my whole life. Why is there this force-fitted Hum Saath Saath Hai vibe to this?

9. We have to stop milking the Nirbhaya case. It cannot be the only way to remind people how heinous rape is, or drive home a point. Candle light vigils, court references, really; lets’ stop!

10. Bollywood, This is the kind of movie you want to produce and we want to watch, unless you’re making something mind blowingly awesome like Andhadhun. You make rubbish like Thugs and we’re going to kill it. Take notes already, Aditya Chopra! Karan Johar is going to afford a lot more Balenciaga and Gucci through the money he will mint from Simmba!